461 | Homeschool Intimidation (Jennifer Cabrera)
Show Notes:
Reasons and help letting go of comparison and intimidation from publishers and professionals, unrealistic expectations, other homeschool families.
About Jennifer
Jennifer Cabrera, the Hifalutin Homeschooler, is the writer of homeschool truth, humor, and inspiration. Jennifer lives in Salado, Texas with her husband and three brilliant boys. She is a licensed Physician Assistant/MPH, but set aside that career for her ultimate life's work. She is also the author of Socialize Like a Homeschooler: A Humorous Homeschool Handbook and Revolting Writing, a hilarious writing, vocabulary, and illustration journal for reluctant writers. She is a featured speaker with Great Homeschool Conventions and her memes and witty insights are widely shared on social media.
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Show Transcript:
Hello and welcome to another Hifalutin Homeschooler episode of The Homeschool Solutions Show. My name is Jennifer Cabrera and I am one of many hosts here on the podcast. Each week, we bring you an encouraging conversation, inspiration, tips, tricks, and or humor from this busy and blessed journey of educating our children at home.
Now, while the title of the show is Homeschool Solutions, we do not pretend to have the answer to every question related to homeschooling, but we do hope to keep it real through lessons we've learned and urge you toward Jesus Christ and prayer with him as the greatest parent-teacher conference available.
Homeschool intimidations. Well, first, let me just introduce myself again. This is Jennifer Cabrera of the Highfalutin Homeschooler. And whether or not you've listened to a few of these episodes or you're just joining me here, you may not know how it is that I became the Highfalutin Homeschooler. So let me just rewind and give a little update introduction for those who have never met me before or read my blog or listened to my podcast. So we didn't plan to homeschool from the start. That was just something only weird people did. And since we turned out all right (my husband and I) from the public school system, well, we just threw our twins into the public school system right into kindergarten. And then we ended up pulling our twins from school after second grade in a fit of defiance and flailing independence. I was sure that I could do this schooling thing better than the system, and I was determined to prove it to my reluctant husband and some disapproving family members.
Long story short, I was right. It was the right decision when just starting out. I didn't really know what I was doing or how we'd reach the finish line, but we did reach the finish line with two so far. And along the way, we've constantly adjusted, added, dropped, tweaked, rearranged all the things we needed to do to keep our ship heading in the direction that we felt led and the way we wanted things to go for our kids. But of course, I was intimidated by the homeschoolers that I began to meet and notice around our community. I felt a little less-than looking into the local homeschool co-ops and reading online blogs, looking into publishers and these fantastical homeschool speakers that you can see at conventions and learning more and more and actually getting overwhelmed and more intimidated by the process. But eventually my highfalutin personality kicked in and just said, "You know what? Let's just dive in. Let's just do this." And so dawned, my one eyebrow raised and dove in and it worked out great.
But I want to go back and talk to you about these intimidations that if you learn quicker to let go of and just do what's best for your kids because you're already equipped, God has given you the voice that they need to hear to learn their best way because you know them. You've raised them since birth and you got to get to that point in your homeschool faster to really enjoy and see the success that you can have when you decide to homeschool your way and worry less about what other people think. So we're going to talk today about homeschool intimidations. And let's go back and start with those homeschool gurus that we possibly meet at convention. I know that some people probably see me as one of those now, not a mom who has trudged, skipped, ran, fallen over, picked herself back up and forced her way through and found a way that best suited her kids for homeschooling. You see me as a speaker and here on this podcast, but know that I was once in your shoes and I still have one more to go. And a lot of what happens after we graduate them is up to them. So don't be intimidated by these speakers, homeschool gurus.
This summer I talked a convention and I spoke to an audience of all new homeschoolers who I know that were looking up at me going, how do we get to where she is today? And obviously I can't format a recipe for everyone, but I did want to tell you that you know how they say church isn't for the perfect people, it's for sinners? Well, it's like that at a homeschool convention, too, or anywhere you're going to meet up with these homeschool speakers or publishers. They're going to tell you how they did things and maybe how you should do things. And buy this and buy that and this planner and all of those things you can also read in blog articles or in homeschool magazines. It's a lot of people that are really just trying to help you that can come across as intimidating.
But these things are for parents who have no idea what they're doing. Those still scared to take the jump, those tiptoeing in the shallow end with online learning or full boxed curriculum and even those in the deep end making their own unit studies or struggling over comparison and maintaining the right amount of weird. And also those who just need to hear the camaraderie of a voice that thinks like them. So though they are out there—there are those blog pages, speakers, publishing sites that actually try to sell products via intimidation—just know that most of us that appear to be these homeschool gurus are just moms, dads and even homeschool curriculum writers who have been in your shoes and are really just trying to show you where they may have gone wrong and how they fixed it, or some tips from the trade or offer you some advice or help along the way.
I mean, it took me several years speaking at a homeschool convention not to be intimidated by the other speakers and the people all looking back at you, wondering if you're worth listening to in the audience. After all, there's like fourth generation homeschoolers out there running farms and businesses and others there fighting for our rights in the legislature and moms that know how to sew and teach latin while potty training a toddler and overseeing an entire co-op. I used to worry that they would be all sitting in my speaking sessions and be looking at me like, what does she know? She's just a semi experienced homeschool mom. But I like to think of it as like just a mom, like Batman says he's just Bruce Wayne.
And if you're thinking that right now, I mean, don't forget, I do have a couple of medical degrees, but I never had one paid lesson on how to formally educate. No one taught me how to homeschool. So I'm more of a get out of my way and let me figure it out kind of person. Headstrong to a fault. I've raised three just like me. And boy, is that humbling. But don't be intimidated by me or other speakers or publishers who are just offering some advice and think you'll never live up to that and you can't and you have to have all the things that people are selling. You're not less qualified or less capable than these people. Homeschooling is messy and uglier than the brochures suggest. And you are enough—you're just not trying to sell anything.
Okay but also, of course, we all know this one—homeschool intimidation can come from meeting the expectations of the professional educators who we feel are breathing down our neck or looking into the windows of our home or back at the public school we just yanked our kids from and they're going to show up with CPS and a whole list of curriculum checkpoints and book lists and wanting those three boxes of tissues that we never turned in at the beginning of last school year. And we can get overwhelmed wondering whether or not if we really jump free and and homeschool the way we feel led to, if we're not following those lists and checkpoints, if our kids aren't going to get into college because we didn't do every single thing that the school system is doing and implement every class and waiting in line with their finger over their mouth and learning how to use a locker combination, all of these things. Yes, I actually one time worried about whether or not I needed to teach my kids how to open a locker Combination. 3 AM is not the time to make lists of worried teaching points. Just don't do it.
But the problem here is that the world's programing and opinions bombard us with fear to follow the experts and their system. "The professionals know best," "Here, take this checklist, this milestone marker and this grading rubric." Mass education is overcomplicated, overregulated and systemized and intimidates parents separating them from their natural roles. When you love your kids and spend time watching them, learning, seeing how they view the world, listening to their thoughts, you really get to know your kids. And when you truly know your kids from loving observation and interaction, well, some things like homeschooling, they just come naturally—if you'll allow it. Now, being an expert on your own kids trumps being an impartial, degreed, educational professional. If you realize that your number one job moving forward after the decision to homeschool is to raise and educate your kids, this comes before everything else in your life. I mean, obviously everyone's going, "No, it doesn't. We have to be able to pay the bills and put food on the table." Clearly. But doing these things in full view of your children teaches them responsibility and how to adult one day. See, it's all part and parcel of naturally homeschooling and raising your own kids.
Now, ironically, intimidation can sneak into the homeschool realm between families. Thus, we must fight to keep sight of our superpowers of parental intuition and not squander the perks of homeschooling while watching some other family reach their personal goals and success and think that that's taking away from something that we're able to do, or we're not reaching the same success or the same goals. Because why would we? We're raising totally different people. Look, I say it in my homeschool recipe episode, "You can pick out all the same ingredients, take all the same courses, add all of the same timing and inflection in your voice as you teach grammar skills to try to reach the success of another homeschool family that you've seen graduate (some kind of awesome MIT bound homeschool grad) but you are not going to nail it no matter what you do because God has a separate recipe for each of our kids." So each homeschooler has their own path to follow.
So don't be intimidated by these other homeschool families. They're just sitting here doing the same thing you are right now, possibly being intimidated by you and what they see that you're doing, because we're all still figuring it out as we go day by day. We may be aware of more courses if we've done this longer. More paths to sell upon, may have sturdier sea legs and are more chill about that whole transcript stuff, but there is no map to chart our course. We must all continually adjust our heading and our kids have minds, hearts, wills and goals of their own, and nothing ever goes completely as planned or fantasized. So don't be intimidated, be intentional. And take away what your family needs for success by viewing other homeschoolers, listening to other speakers, knowing what competitiveness is out there with graduates of public schools and knowing what you're up against. But use all of those things to tweak and make your own homeschool recipe for each of your kids and listen to where God's leading you.
Don't try to follow suit with an expert, a homeschool guru or a professional expert in the public school and thinking you have to adhere to the system in your living room and ruining the perks of homeschooling. And also enjoy the success of others without allowing it to ruin your day and intimidate you into thinking you're not enough and questioning whether or not you should throw them back in the school system. Take inspiration from the success of other homeschoolers. Clap with them, find little key notes that they might be able to share with you that you could implement into your own homeschool. But don't try to nail by copying their recipe. Make your own. Use these things and don't be intimidated or strong-armed or bullied or guilted into buying curriculum and planners and signing up for things that you don't really need. Do not let intimidation ruin your homeschool.
Also, remember that homeschooling is not all academics—it's a lifestyle. So though you may use a boxed curriculum, your family adventures outside of academic subjects may be more homemade than a unschooler who's writing their own curriculum, but then spending the rest of the day watching YouTube. When we stop worrying about what others expect us to teach or what other homeschoolers are cooking up, and we choose our own ingredients based on the needs of interests and goals of our own kids, well, then we're going to truly nail it because Nailed it has a whole new meaning when one original masterpiece is all that we're needing to bake up. The homeschool recipe is not repeatable. We are producing wonderfully unique, obviously homemade desserts on the buffet table of high school graduates. Interesting, exclusive and full of distinctive flavor.
Because as I've said before, homeschooling is a homemade recipe that writes itself anew in each child if we can loosen our grip and let it happen. It can seem risky to not follow a proven recipe, to have faith in our gut instinct and intimate knowledge of our kids, using ingredients that are a mix only for them and having faith in God that the dough will rise to his plan. Many are reluctant to homeschool at first because they want a preprinted syllabus for success. But homeschooling works in reverse, creating a never ending resumé of knowledge and accomplishment that you couldn't possibly put to bullet points before you begin.
So be bold. Don't be intimidated. Use what you know of your children, their needs, their goals, your family values, and set out on a journey that's not scripted by anyone else—not a public school agenda, not a homeschool guru, not one publisher's set boxed curriculum. Be personal. Be real. Discuss and get to know your kids along the way and learn right along with them. Homeschooling the way that we found best fit our family and doing our best to ignore those intimidations (that still do seep into our homeschooling from time to time even with only one high schooler left and two graduates under our belt), there are times that I go back and think, oh, should we have done this, this or this? And looking at this other high school curriculum over here, should we have used that? Seeing what even friends of ours have done and questioning ourselves. It does happen at times.
So we have to remember homeschool is to personalize for our own family and try our best not to be intimidated by others and keep sight of our own goals. There's a thousand, a million, a bazillion ways for homeschool success to happen individually with each of our kids. And we're going to change it up with each of our kids. All those curriculums that you've bought and hid in the closet that you plan to use with your five year old someday when they reach the 10th grade as well, likely you won't be using it all. Just know that now because that person that that child will become will be completely different than your older kids.
And so lastly, don't be intimidated by not knowing what's going to happen next. Even if you were to follow a published set of curriculum, timing rules and all of the things that the public school is doing or some elite, wonderful private school in your area, it's not a guarantee for success. And in homeschooling, it can be a little more scary, the unknown, because we feel completely responsible. And that's why you need to continue to make homeschooling your number one priority with your children and allow God to lead you and be open to change and flexibility in the way that you should go. So no more intimidation. Be bold, be brilliant, and stay weird and homeschool on.
Thank you for joining me here on the Homeschool Solutions Show again. You can find show notes and links to all the resources mentioned at homeschooling.mom.
Now, if you haven't already, please subscribe to the podcast, and while you are there, leave us a review. Tell us what you love about the show, and this will help other homeschooling parents like you get connected with our community. Also, you can find us on Instagram @HomeschoolingDotMom and on Facebook at Homeschooling.mom. So let us know what you thought of today's episode. Leave us a comment. Let us know what you think.
Lastly, have you joined us at one of the Great Homeschool Conventions? The Great Homeschool Conventions are the homeschooling event of the year offering outstanding speakers, hundreds of workshops covering today's top parenting and homeschooling topics and the largest homeschool curriculum exhibit hall in the United States. Find out more at greathomeschoolconventions.com. I hope to see you in Texas.
Also, if you'd like to connect with me, you can find me at Facebook at Hifalutin Homeschooler and on Instagram @hifalutinhomeschooler. Also, you can email me directly with any questions, concerns, anecdotes. I love to hear stories from other homeschoolers. That's [email protected]. Until next time, stay weird and homeschool on.
