HS #268 Homeschooling Screen Kids with Guest Arlene Pellicane

HS #268 Homeschooling Screen Kids with Guest Arlene Pellicane

Links and Resources:

Show Notes:

Arlene Pellicane is the author of a number of parenting books including Parents Rising and 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Mom, and SCREEN KIDS. She is also the host of The Happy Home Podcast. Arlene and her husband and their three children live in San Diego California.Screen Kids by Arlene Pellicane and Gary Chapman

Grandparenting Screen Kids by Arlene Pellicane and Gary Chapman

The 40 Day Social Media Fast by Wendy Speake

The Social Dilemma on Netflix

Show Transcript:

HS EP 268

Wendy -

Hello and welcome back to another installment of the Homeschool Solutions Show. My name is Wendy Speake, and I am one of the many hosts we have here on the podcast. Each week you'll hear from one of us inviting one of our friends to join for a conversation about this busy, blessed season as we educate our children at home.

Now the title of the show is Homeschool Solutions. While we don't have the answer to every question, we know that all the solutions to every stress and every struggle can be found in the Person and presence of Jesus Christ and His living and active and applicable Word. We're so glad that you're here for today's conversation.

Before we start the show, I'd like to thank our sponsors. Medi-Share. An affordable and Biblical healthcare alternative. Find out more at mychristiancare.org for their ongoing support of homeschooling families just like ours.

And Operation Christmas Child. Now more than ever, children need hope. As the world struggles with the coronavirus pandemic, we want to let them know that God loves them and has not forgotten them. The best way to get involved is to pack a shoebox yourself. As you specially select each item, packing a shoebox becomes a blessing to you as well as the child who receives it. Be sure to include a note in a photo. If packing a traditional shoebox just isn't an option for you this year, we can do it for you. Build a shoebox online. You can find out more at samaritanspurse.org/occ.

Goodness, today's topic is timely. Timely for this generation and timely for us. Timely for the whole wide world, but also uniquely right on time for homeschool families. During this year impacted so negatively in many ways by COVID-19, adults and children alike have suffered from a lack of social interactions with family and friends.

As a means to cope with the lack of socializing, many of us have spent more time socializing online. Even right here in my own home, we've always been pretty careful about how much screen time our kids have for online games. But during the pandemic, we finally said yes to some of those video games that our kids can play with their friends. On top of those hours online, they also have more of their learning online these days as they get older.

We do homeschool, but our Coop class days and extracurricular classes are all online right now.

And so, needless to say, I'm excited for today's guest. Arlene Pellicane is the author of a number of parenting books, including Parents Rising and 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Mom, along with the book Calm, Cool, and Connected: 5 Digital Habits for a More Balanced Life. But today, we will be talking with Arlene about her most recent book, co-authored with Gary Chapman, Screen Kids.

Arlene and her husband and their three children live in San Diego, CA, very close to me and mine. As a matter of fact, I've had her as a guest in my own home, so this is special to now host her here on the homeschool solution show.

Well, welcome to the podcast, Arlene.

Arlene -

It's wonderful to be with you. Thanks for having me, Wendy.

Wendy -

Of course, I'm so glad you're here. One of your most popular books, and we're not talking about that book today, but I think that it's a really good way to start, was called 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Mom. I love the title. I love the message. Because we all want more of that please. I'm noticing, however, that one of the biggest stressors in homes these days is screen time. It's making happiness hard. I mean our kids think they want it because it makes them happy. We want it because it makes us happy. But it's actually, long-term, making happiness harder on us all. Can you talk to us? Can we just dive right into the hard part of the conversation?

A -

Absolutely, you know, because when we think about happy, this is not like that, hey, I just bought some shoes on Amazon and I'm happy. You know. This is that happiness that is that joy. It's feeling connected. It's being satisfied. So as a mom, that happiness comes from, hey look, my kids are healthy. They're growing, they're developing. Hey look, we're connected, we're laughing together. We enjoy each other's company. When my kids grow up and become adults, they'll want to come back.

You know these are the kinds of things and thoughts that bring that happiness. We're being positive, we're saying yes to things that really align with our values. So those are the kinds of things that make a mom go, yes, like, we're doing this. But you put screen time in there and when your kids are spending so many hours a day, not only with school, but then with social media or YouTube or Netflix or video games, and no wonder you're real thinking, this is not making us happy. We are not connected to each other. We're connected instead of...to our individual devices. I don't feel like a success because I feel like I'm letting all this stuff go, so that makes me unhappy, but yet, I have to work and do different things, so I don't know what to do different, you know. So it can be a very frustrating time for moms, and a time where, if they're seeing that their children are not thriving, then it's hard to feel happy as a mom.

W -

I love that you really kick start this conversation about connectedness, or kind of activity. It's so interesting that when we get online, when the kids get online, to do a video game, and their friends are on the other end of that headset, they feel connected. Or when our kids are on social media. When our...on social media, they feel connected. But not really. It's not real connection. And how does that play out in our home when they're getting connection online, or with their devices? They're not getting their connection with us at home, and we both need that for our emotional health. Moms and dads need it for their emotional health. The children needed to learn healthy emotional patterns in these formative years. The listeners here on the Homeschool Solutions Show have heard me talk about the 40-day social media fast, and one of the things that I say in there is devices are divisive. They separate us. They divide us. Not only from one another but from real joy and happiness that comes to...from community so. That's what I hear you talking about.

Why do our kids suffer? Why are they suffering emotionally right now?

A -

Oh my goodness.

W -

When they keep turning to their...for happiness.

A -

Yes. You know, and I wanna just piggyback on what you said about the devices divide. To realize that all the marketing shows us, oh devices connect. You know, if you give your child a device, they'll be smarter. If you give your device this particular social media platform, they'll be connected and be so happy. But you look at the statistics, you look at yourself in your own family and you realize, this is not true. Like they kind of, you know, did a little switcheroo on us. And so I think what's happening for children, why it is so imperative is, you know, think of it as adults.

You know our brains are forming until about age 25, and so if we are having trouble as adults, being addicted to screens, having this problem, think of a child, with their developing brain. And I like to think of, you know, when we bought our house, it was, like, on a dirt road, but it was close to my parent's house. It was a new development, and we just kind of bought and faith thinking, I guess they'll build around this, you know. And of course, now 15 years later, there are roads going everywhere. You know, it's a dirt road no longer.

And that's how your child's brain is. That's how they are emotionally, spiritually. It's just dirt. And as they have experiences in their brain, and they have these neurons, and their building past, like, oh, this is how you comfort someone when they're sad. Oh, this is how you finish your homework, even when you don't feel like it. This is how to play an instrument. This is how to care for an animal. You know, etcetera, etcetera. They're building all these roads that, when they're adults, they'll be able to be a good father, be a good wife, you know. Be a good boss, be a great employee. Cause they have these experiences. But so many kids today, their road only leads to their phone, to the tablet, to the flat screen.

And they're really great at video games, they feel super competent there. You know, maybe they're okay in school, but they don't have face to face experience with either other friends or with adults. And that's when you're going to find, my goodness, this whole generation that doesn't know anything different, that thinks sitting at a table with a friend and looking down at your phone the whole time, they'll think that's normal.

W -

Real. Yeah.

A -

That's how it's supposed to be. This is kind of as good as it gets, you know. For the book, Screen Kids, that I co-wrote with Doctor Gary Chapman, I interviewed this gentleman who owns a restaurant, and he was saying what's weird is, my 20-something employees, you know, they'll be on break together, and I see them sitting together, which is cool. But they're all on their devices and they don't say a thing to each other. And so this is a new emotional normal for many kids. And imagine, for kids raised today, if they're starting with their tablet, age two, three, four, you can imagine by the time their teenagers, young adults, what that's going to mean. So emotionally, you've got to think how is my child going to relate to other people? And they're going to relate through face-to-face interactions, you know.

And so, as homeschoolers, it's meeting other homeschool families. It is going somewhere on the weekend. Being part of a charity, of a club, of a Church, of doing something where your kids are face to face. You know, when my kids were learning Spanish, are learning Spanish in school, so whenever we went...we live in Southern California. So, there's lots of Spanish-speaking people everywhere. And so, whenever my husband would see someone at the supermarket, you know, that's checking us out and it was obvious that you know, we heard them speak Spanish or something, and we would always say, oh, speak to my child in Spanish. And this was...and what...the reason I share that is, everywhere you go there is a place to push your child to connect with someone emotionally, to show common courtesy. But that's being completely shut down because the kids are just on screens and they're not forced to have those kinds of conversations. And that, whether it's a pandemic or not, those things are so important, and perhaps now during the pandemic, especially important when you do have the opportunity to see people. Think of that your child's brain, their emotional development, they've gotta practice being courteous and showing kindness and love.

W -

Yes. You know, I love the visual of the pathway, the road, and I've been out hiking with my kids and you can see where the deer or where the fox is. We, you know, go through same path over and over.

A -

Right.

W -

And you can see where you're walking is a path that's been well worn. And it's obviously the path you're supposed to be on. And the more times you walk on a path, the more well-worn and obvious it is, that that's where you go. You don't go walk in the shrubs to the right by, you know, two feet over. Of course, you walk on the path and that's what's going on in our children's brains. And I know that one thing that homeschool moms do better than most of the rest, is they are very intentional about creating roads that they want their children to go down, which is part of why...

A -

Yes.

W -

...we say I want my kids at home. I want to open up The Word with them in the morning and not rushed off. That's what our morning routine is. I want my children to be able to do this, and to do that, and so we have the time in our school days to add service as part of our curriculum. I mean, we're very intentional about these things. But one of the things I've been noticing is that we can be very intentional about something for ten minutes every day, and then give them 90 minutes of working on going down a different path.

A -

Yeah.

W -

And I'm...that's something that I'm very aware of in my intentional parenting, as...I'm not saying that my kids need to be in the Bible for 90 minutes with me. I'm saying when I...how...it just seems to be a little off course. You know, with how much time I'm giving what matters most, and then how much time I'm giving them to do what is shaping their brains in a very, very profound way. When our kids were very little, I let them watch PBS kids in the morning.

A -

Yeah.

W -

And, specifically, we watched Barney. We had videos of Barney and the reason why I chose those two things as our entertainment is because I had read an article saying that both PBS, and specifically Barney, they do long shots so it's not editing. It's not quick editing.

A -

Right. Yeah.

W -

The brain isn't hopping from one image to the next. You see Barney here, singing a song. It's all done in one take, and then you see him walk into the classroom and have a conversation with the children there. And there's no cut. It's all like live taping. And I thought, well, that makes sense. But now, here are my kids at twelve, fifteen, and sixteen, and I'll look over their shoulders as they're playing a video game and the quickness of it. And the...anyway, I'm thinking, wow, I was so, so careful at what their eyes were on when they were young, but they're growing older now, and these things, you know, if they have 60 minutes of that after they're done with their school day, that's 60 minutes of being affected by a really overstimulating, road making device.

A -

Yes. Yeah. So it is that idea of, you know, a rollercoaster once in a while, it's okay. You know, my daughter Noelle and I, when she was in fourth grade, we got stuck. We did the roller coaster and then it didn't, it just stopped. The harness didn't release, so we're waiting for twenty minutes before it restarted, and then we got out, and believe me, she wasn't as happy the second time as the first time, and that's what's happening. Our kids, a roller coaster, like that dopamine, that excitement, that's nice a little bit. But when you're constantly in your free time...and that's a great question. When your kids have free time, what's their default activity? And if doing something online is just one of many activities, you know, great. But if you realize, wow, every time my child has free time, whenever I give them the, hey, okay, you've done this, this, this and this, okay, you're good. If they're always going online, then you're starting to think what's going on?

So be a little bit of a detective there, because it's not a fair fight. The documentary, The Social Dilemma, shows you that things in technology, whether it's YouTube or social media these things are designed to keep your child's attention. And it's designed for it by very, very, very, very smart people. And to realize this isn't just like a blank slate. This is not a chalkboard. I love the example of, that technology is not a tool. Cause we love to talk about technology as a tool, myself included.

But he said that, in The Social Dilemma, a bicycle is a tool. It sits there, patiently waiting until you're ready to ride it. But a phone, it follows you around. You know, in your pocket, with notifications, and you've been tagged in this photo. And, so and so has just texted you. Notification. It's time for this. And so, it's like, as if your bicycle was chasing you around all day, you know, ride me, ride me, ride me, you know.

And so, for us to realize as parents wait, these are very addictive technologies and we must make rules around them or else they will...they'll make the rules. We've gotta make the rules.

Not the devices to make the rules.

W -

And we want to invite our children...I think this is really important...to help us be part of it. I think a lot of parents tend to be authoritarian in this department and just lay down the law.

A -

Yeah.

W -

But to invite our children to understand, and I love that you mentioned The Social Dilemma, on Netflix. Actually, we watched it as a family, and then to ask the question, so what boundaries do you think would be healthy for yourself? As they get older? I mean, if you're listening...

A -

Right.

W -

...to this conversation and they're young, that's up to you. I mean...but as they get older, I look at my seventeen-year-old and I say, you're on your way...almost seventeen-year-old...you're way out. I want you to be able to make these decisions. You used a roller coaster analogy. I love this one. There are boundaries that come over, you know you got stuck in 'em. There are those straps that come over your shoulders. And you think of boundaries in our lives as, oh man, what a killjoy. But really, the boundaries are there to free you up to have fun. Had you not had those harnesses over your shoulders and you went to do the loopty-loop, you would die. And I hate to be dramatic here, but without boundaries, our kids would die. I mean, that's why the wide road leads to destruction. The narrow road leads to life.

And we can apply this to so many areas, whether it's what we're eating or what we're watching, or how we're playing with friends or the words we use. Really, boundaries are so good for us. They free us up to enjoy life rather than taking away the joy that we have. So I would love it if you would talk to us about all the homeschooling resources that we're opening up online today, and then, now, of course, with COVID-19, many of us are still doing our Sunday services and our BSF online. Everything's online right now, and we're supplementing with so much.

Do you have any specific encouragement for us, given all the needs that we have right now online?



A -

Yeah, I would say that, you know, it's the idea of, I will go online with purpose. So, there's a different experience if you go online and you'd use the streaming service and you're just, like, trying to figure out what to watch, you know. And then it's a half an hour later, and all you've done is look through all the little, right? All the titles. But if you go and you say, we, as a family, we are going to watch...like, we just watched Unstoppables. Bethany Hamilton's documentary. So, when I go online and I know specifically, this is what I'm going to do, we're going to do it, and then we will turn this TV off.

So, it's the idea, you know, the old DVD of yesterday day? That's a pretty forward technology in terms of, it just gives you one thing to do. When you watch it, you watch it, and then you're done, and you haven't wasted ten hours of your day. So, it's actually, in terms of human performance, a very good forward-thinking technology.

W -

??? It sits there and waits for you.

A -

So, dust off that DVD player and get it...so in the same vein, what I'm saying is, if you explain to your children, hey, you know, Mom's got this Zoom call at this time, and then we're going to have dinner. And then you know every Monday night Mom does her Bible study. And this is why I do the Bible study, cause it helps me blah blah blah. Then your kids know, oh this is what she uses it for, and it gives you the accountability of, when it's done, I'll turn it off instead of just kind of going on to do some extra work or do other things.

So, I think, disciplining ourselves to think, be able to say, I am going online to do this.

W -

Right.

A -

You have this specific purpose. I am going to meet my moms in prayer group, which I do on Mondays on Zoom, right? Then it's like something that has a beginning, an end, a purpose. You chose it. It didn't choose you. You know, you weren't just surfing and like oh, I've got to do this now. No. You chose it. And teach your kids, that's what they're doing. And then teach your kids to do the same. Like, to go online with purpose because they also understand, as they get older, oh, I'm wasting a lot of time, aren't I? But they get that idea. And so I think that's one thing. And then, you know, I talk about the digital vegetable and digital candy. Just to be able to tell the difference, a digital vegetable is like a prayer thing on Zoom or a Bible study on Zoom. Or trying to learn something. Maybe your child wants to learn to play the guitar during this time, and so they're going to watch how-to videos. That's a digital vegetable that's going to help them. That's going to help them learn something.

It's a lot different than candy, which are movies, you know, which can be fine, especially if viewed together as a family. But, of course, eight hours of movies, you know, we can see that's digital candy. So, start having those conversations, even with your five-year-old. Like, oh honey, is this digital candy or is this a digital vegetable? And just like a vegetable in real life, your kids are asking you, hey Mom, can I have some of those green beans? Like, nobody's asking for that. That's what's usually served to you because it's good for you, by a parent. The same thing works in the digital world, that there are good things, and that's why we've kind of bought into this technology. There are good things, but there's a whole lot more candy, right?...than there are vegetables.

And so, that's when you've got to come in and say all right after dinner, we are going to power off on these days of the week. Or Sunday. We're going to take a, you know, like a digital Sabbath, and...we won't play video games. We won't do social media. We will go outside will throw Frisbee around, we'll do something different on Sundays. That's going to be our family fun day, or whatever, you know, and get them reading instead of being online. Things like that, those rhythms will help so that you're still using the technology, but it has those guardrails as boundaries we've been talking about.

W -

So good. I just want to repeat two things you've said that I think are so applicable. One thing you said was I will go online with purpose. And one of the things I've learned with my kids is if I have short, pithy, memorable things that I say...and I say this because I think most of us are very good at nagging and giving lectures.

A -

Yeah.

W -

So, it's like, I'm gonna tell you again...all the...basically, I will recap the social dilemma for you, in its entirety while you sit there, eyes on me. You know? I'm very good at that, especially as the kids get older. But when they've heard you say, over and over, I will go online with purpose. And this is what your assignment is. I want you to go online with purpose, but don't fall down any virtual rabbit holes. And if they hear you say online with purpose, virtual rabbit holes, online with purpose, virtual rabbit holes...

A -

Right. Yes.

W -

Is that digital vegetable or is that a digital candy? I think that these short, pithy statements can really, in a way, when we say them over and over, they make a pathway in the brain as well.

A -

And how interesting that it isn't just for your kids, but you'll be saying it to yourself. And then you say it to yourself, and then it helps you so much, you know. So, I think that, it's true, those things that they can repeat and that makes sense and that are not long, and they're just information. It's not...there's no anger in it. There's no accusation or blame, like, what are you doing on there so much? You're on there so much. You're wasting your time. Don't you know God's...your mind is a gift from God and you're wasting it. Yeah.

So instead of that, they just hear, you know, these statements. And I think you're right that that's a better way to make that more palatable to them.

W -

Yeah, here's another statement that we use in our family, and that is, the Word before the world.

And so that's specifically the Word. Open up the Word before you open yourself up to the World Wide Web or open the World Wide Web up, right? Instead of going to find out what someone you like thinks, tune into the One you love most of all. So again, I've got three teenagers, so it's not just a pithy idea. It...really, did you open up the word this morning?

A -

Right? It's an action. You can tell if it's been done or not.

W -

Right. So I have...their phones or tablets remain in our room until the school day is done. And as they get older, they might need to come in and see if there was a message for them, whether it's their sporting events or a teacher or whatever. But a lot of that stuff they can do on their computer. But they have to come to our room to get it, and we have a framed picture there that says the Word before the world. And when they were younger I would have a kind of a checkpoint list. The Good Book and a good book, I always had written down. So, have you spent time in the Good Book? And have you spent time in a good book? Did you read for 45 minutes to an hour today?

And so some of these things are just good. Good reminders. But if we remind him that we don't have to be angry.

A -

I love that, because they're going to grow up and they're going to have those same signs in their house. It's very possible. Or you'll be giving them to them as wedding gifts. You'll be like, here ya go. You're set up for your house.

W -

Yes, and that, I mean, that's really what...our goal isn't to control them. Yeah, they're in our house. Our goal is to prepare them to be self-controlled when they're out of our house.

A -

I love that you said that because, you know, when you think about all the apps to watch your kids and the focus and all that. And I'm not saying you shouldn't have those things. If your kid is gonna have a device, those are good things, but the idea is, I will control what my child sees. And, really, it is, I will help my child have self-control. And, how that might look, though, is, you know, delaying the phone, delaying social media, delaying those things. Because that's going to help your child to have self-control.

And you know, I do want to share a workaround. So, I also have...I have a junior in high school, a boy, and I have a freshman in high school, a girl. And then a sixth-grade girl. And we go to public school in San Diego, but none of the kids have smartphones, social media, or video games, and it's just something that we've always grown up with, that we said you can have those things when you're adults, and you'll have all your life to be staring at the phone. But we kind of want you guys to fall in love with books and each other and sports and, you know, you get it. Music, whatever.

So, but then people ask me, like, how do your kids, like, communicate? Like, how do they do that?

And so, one, they are always welcome to use my phone. And I don't care about the group chats. You can just group chat me to death. I'm just happy that my own, you know, child doesn't have one and they just use it for that. No problem. My son has a Google voice number, which basically means, on his computer, that's where he does...cause he is in extracurricular clubs. Debate club, quizbowl. So he, you know, he does that, but it's group chats that he uses on Google Voice and he has to be at the computer to do that. So, it is limited in that way, but it really does get the job done. You know he's teaching piano lessons to kids during the pandemic. He communicates with his clients all in this way and it really does work. And so, there are workarounds. You know when you think, how could we do this? Well, my goodness, how did we do it as adults without phones? You know, we had to go to a payphone. Now all your kid has to do is ask their friend or ask you, could I use your phone? And it's like two feet away from them. So I just throw that out there to let you know that it is a possible thing to do.

W -

Yes, absolutely. I've read some bits of your book and you talk about five skills that every child needs in a tech-driven world. Would you kinda conclude this conversation with that lesson for us?

A -

Absolutely. Yeah. So, the book is Screen Kids, with Doctor Gary Chapman. And you, when you think about the A plusses, you know the academic As, and those are lovely and wonderful. But if your child graduates with Academic A’s, but they don't know how to be mature, right? In their relationships, then it's, like, okay, that didn't work very well. So, these A plus skills are other things you need to be looking at, and they are the A plus skill of affection. Can your child give and receive love? Does your child feel loved? Can your child express love. The skill of appreciation? Is your child, like, oh thank you, instead of, well, everyone else has one, why won't you get me one? You know this entitled attitude.

The skill of anger management. All of us are going to get angry. You know, how can we tell, is this anger justified? Is this just me not getting my own way? How can I best express my point here? You know? So, anger management. Cause you see a lot of angry kids out there. And then the skill of apology. How can I apologize? How can I say I was wrong, instead of blaming something or someone else? And instead of just like, okay, I guess I just won't respond to that person's text or I'll unfriend them because I don't know how to apologize.

And then the last is the skill of attention. Can your child focus? Can your child read for several minutes in a row? You know, can your child pay attention to a school lecture? To a sermon?

And this is huge because, like we talked about before, with a one-shot Barney, you know. If they're used to everything moving, and all of a sudden when they're sitting and they're reading their Bible, they're thinking, okay, I've read for two seconds. I'm out. You know. So that skill of attention. Can they take their wandering attention and bring something into focus for an extended period of time?

And that skill is not really aided by technology. But that skill is obviously as attainable to anyone today as it was a generation ago, you know? So this is possible. We just have to think of nurturing it.

So, affection, appreciation, anger management, apology, and attention. If your child grew up to have these things really strong in their life, then you know they're going to be able to contribute to the world around them.

W -

You know, I just love those A-plus skills. You know, oftentimes, we talk about the three Rs, right? Reading, writing, and arithmetic. But really, we want respect, responsibility...there are other good Rs. I love a good alliteration, and this is a great alliteration. Not only do we want it. Not only do we want this. It's best for them to have the skill of being able to receive and give affection. To sincerely appreciate what they have rather than balk and throw an entitled fit over what they don't have. To control their anger. To apologize when they've done wrong. To give forgiveness when other people have apologized to them, as well. And to be able to hold their attention on what matters most.

We want this and we're so purposeful. It's back to that idea of, so many homeschool moms are very, very intentional in teaching these skills and others, and then, to reward them, we give them great gobs of time online, which can actually be fighting against some of the skills we're trying to invest in them. It's very hard to be content when you're wanting more and more screen time. It's really hard to show and receive affection when you are actually disconnected from the flesh and blood people in your life, and engaged only with the digital people in your life.

So, I just, I find that very challenging for the moms who are intentional, to do these things. And yet, we're also giving wins because we want to give them what their friends have, right? And yet, in a way, it's working against what we've been so intentional to give them. So I just am so thankful for you, Arlene. Thank you for taking the time to talk us through how our screen kids can grow up in this generation. To keep first things first.

A -

Yes.

W -

And the digital candy. It's really fun, but let's keep it in its proper place. And of course, that's after they get their vegetables for the day, right?

A -

That's right. Absolutely.

W -

And limited, you know, when you look at the health pyramid that we all studied, and...

A -

Right.

W -

...nutrition class? Like, that tip top candy at the top. The sweets, the sugars, should be in very limited moderation, not the base of our pyramid. Not the building block. Or you're going to flip that upside down, and that won't, that won't stand.

So, I'm so thankful for you would you wrap us up with just praying a blessing over the families represented in this podcast today?

A -

Absolutely. Lord, we just want to thank You so much, that You are Lord over our homes, and we ask you for wisdom. We pray, Lord, that You would show us, what are our kids struggling with that maybe we don't even know about? Lord, we pray that You would alert us if our child is using a device in a way that's really going to be harmful for them. Show us if there's something that needs to be taken back. Show us, Lord, if there is a different activity that needs to be introduced. We pray You teach us to be students of our children, to see the things that they are passionate about and that they enjoy, so we can support them. And we just pray for more real-life activities that will capture the hearts and minds of our kids, instead of more screen time. So give us Your wisdom.

Guide us, lead us by Your Holy Spirit, and give us courage that when we do make unpopular choices, that you help us to stand in those choices, and we pray You would help our children know that we love them. That there would be a great heart of love, not of law, judgment, harshness, shame.

But Lord, of love, that they would know that we love them. We pray this in Jesus' Name. Amen.

W -

Amen.

A -

And I do have to say, speaking of love, you know, Doctor Gary Chapman has Co-authored this book Screen Kids, and we also have a companion book called Grandparenting Screen Kids.

W -

Yes.

A -

So many grandparents don't know what to do with their grandkids. And so, the five love languages and how those are communicated, and how technology can kind of fight against that. Those kinds of things are in the book, so it really does help you strengthen your relationships, while giving you, kinda the inside scoop of, really, what screens are doing to your child's brain.

W -

Thank you. I will be sure to link to all of...all that we mentioned, specifically Arlene and Gary's new book Screen Kids, as well as Grandparenting Screen Kids, cause I know I need to get one of those for my mom. Because she's always saying, how can I help this when they're with me? As well as all the other resources, Scriptures, quotes that we mentioned in today's show.

And I loved this one line from your prayer. You said Lord give us courage when we make unpopular choices.

A -

Yeah.

W -

That we stand in those choices. And I just want you to know that I was jotting down notes here during the whole thing. Not...

A -

??? That's because you have the...you have the skill of attention, that's why.

W -

Yes, that's true.

Well, thank you, because there are some real strong takeaways from this conversation for my life. And I know that that's true for the lives of other listeners. Okay, I find this a little bit ironic. My last question. But can you tell us where we can connect with you online?

A -

I know, so you go online with purpose.

W -

Yes.

A -

And you say, I heard about that book, and I want to find out more. And that's ScreenKidsBook.com. ScreenKidsBook.com. And then I have a podcast called The Happy Home podcast. And you can also find my website at my name. It's ArlenePellicane.com. And you will go with purpose and it will be great.

W -

Yeah. And then log off and go be with your people.

A -

That's right.

W -

The right people, not your online people.

A -

That's right.

W -

Alright, well I have sincere love for you, Arlene, and for this community. So thank you, everybody, for popping in today.

A -

Thank you so much, Wendy.

W -

Well, what a great show. I'm so glad that you were here. We focused today, primarily, on how screen time affects our children. However, you've likely heard me talk about the negative effects it has on moms and dads as well. I would love to encourage you to spend 40 days fasting from your own screens in order to seek the Lord on the boundaries that He may want for you, and He may want you to model for your own children.

You can grab a copy of the 40-day Social Media Fast wherever books are sold. It is broken down into 40 daily readings that all begin with Scripture because our goal is fasting from social media in an effort to get social with Him. And, from there, to get social with the real life, flesh and blood people right in our homes. Consider doing the 40-day social media fast on your own or as a family.

Thank you for joining us this week on the Homeschool Solutions Show. As always, you can find show notes and links to all the resources mentioned at homeschooling.mom. I hope you'll take a moment to subscribe to the podcast, and if it was especially meaningful to you, share it with your friends via email or social media. This is just another way we can all encourage and love and support one another.

Speaking of love and support, we are so grateful for the support of our sponsors. Have you joined us at one of the Great Homeschool Conventions? The Great Homeschool Conventions are the homeschooling events of the year, offering outstanding speakers, hundreds of workshops covering today's top parenting and homeschooling topics, and the largest homeschool curriculum exhibit halls in the US. Find out more at greathomeschoolconventions.com. I hope to see you there.

But in the meantime, let's gather together again here on the podcast next week.


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