HS Episode #252 Identify Issues In The Homeschool Mother with Jessica Smartt and Rachel Jankovic

HS Episode #252 Identify Issues In The Homeschool Mother with Jessica Smartt and Rachel Jankovic

Links and Resources:

Show Notes:

Rachel Jankovic is a wife, homemaker, and mother of seven. She is the author of Loving the Little Years, Fit To Burst, and You Who?. Rachel loves color, fabric, yarn to knit with, kids to laugh with, and laundry (not so much)


Quotes:

“I have spoken to groups of women where they are far too desperate to hear what I have to say...There is a place at the table with your name on it. You have access to the Word of God.”

“There is not a situation you can find yourself in where you cannot be spiritually active, growing and thriving.”

“When you’re being faithful in a situation, it doesn’t feel like you’re in an incredible calling.”

Resources mentioned

Bible reading challenge: challenge.christkirk.com

Loving the Little Years

Product Links:

Let Them Be Kids

Memory Making Mom

Loving the Little Years

You Who?

Peace Like A River

Galatians 2:20, NIV: "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."


Show Transcript:

Wendy -

Hello, and welcome back to another installment of the Homeschool Solutions show. My name is Wendy Speake and I am one of the many hosts we have here on the podcast. Each week, you'll hear from one of us, inciting one of our friends to join for a conversation about this busy, blessed season as we educate our children at home.

Now the title of the show is Homeschool Solutions. While we don't have the answer to every question, we know that all the solutions to every stress and every struggle can be found in the Person and presence of Jesus Christ, and His living and active and applicable Word. We are so glad that you're here to join us for today's conversation. But before we start the show, I'd like to thank our sponsors.

Medi-Share. An affordable and Biblical healthcare alternative. Find out more at mychristiancare.org for their ongoing support of homeschooling families just like yours.

Operation Christmas Child. Many of you have packed gift-filled shoeboxes, but the journey of a shoebox doesn't end there. Discover how Operation Christmas Child shoebox gifts lead to evangelism, discipleship, and the multiplication of believers and planting of churches at SamaritansPurse.org/makedisciples. And now, on to today's show.




Jessica -

Hi. This is Jessica Smartt. I am one of the new hosts of the Homeschool Solutions podcast. I am so glad to be here with you guys. You can find me on my blog, at SmartterEachDay.com. Smartter has two T's. And on Instagram, I'm Jessica.Smartt. I am the author of Memory Making Mom and I have to tell you guys something so super exciting. This month, I'm releasing my second book, Let Them Be Kids: Adventure, Innocense, Boredom, and Other Gifts Kids Need. You guys, this book is so needed right now. It was actually supposed to launch in late summer, but the publisher decided with all this craziness, coronavirus, quarantine, people needed these tips now. So, you can get that book today on Amazon and wherever books are sold. That's Let Them Be Kids. So go check it out.

Alright, now I'm going to get to my guest, and I'm so excited to introduce you guys to Rachel Jankovic. She is actually one of my literary heroes and I feel so honored to be able to interview her today. Rachel is a wife, homemaker, and mother. She's the author of Loving a Little Year's Fit to Burst and YooHoo. Rachel loves color, fabric, yarn to knit with, kids to laugh with, and laundry, not so much. Rachel, welcome to the podcast.

Rachel -

Thank you, babe, for having me.



J -

Yeah. So, we're gonna get to all of your books and all that, but briefly, in case someone hasn't heard of you, I imagine most people have, but, just tell us real quick about your family and where you live and all that stuff.

R -

I am married to Luke. We have seven children. Four girls, three boys, ages fifteen to four. We just built a house and moved into the country and we live up in Northern Idaho in the beautiful farmland. I mean, we're not very far outside of town. It's our first trip in the country life, up in Idaho. But we've been lovin' it.

J -

So that is, was, actually, a question on my list of what in the world is Idaho like. I've seen your pictures and I'm like, did she just take a picture of a calendar and post that? Is that your real life?

R -

So, the pictures that...are you talking about pictures that I use on Instagram most of the time?

J -

Yeah. Like, oh, those are copies.

R -

Nah, they're always either out a window or on the drive to take the kids to school, or they are all... I've had it, I know. They are. It's unbelievable pretty and it is a very photogenic place to live.

J -

Now, and does all your family kind of live in the general region?

R -

Yes. We live...my, I have two siblings that live in town here, and my parents live in town. And my husband's brother and his wife live really near here. We have a quite a bit of...yes.

J -

See, that's my thing. I'm like, I would go live, you know, and I've always said Colorado, which I don't know if Idahoans frown on Colorado like it's not quite as beautiful. But they seem to be...

R -

We're kinda...I mean, we kinda love Idaho, so.

J -

Okay. It's not about not liking Colorado. It's just about loving Idaho. That's so funny. But, I'm like, I couldn't leave all my family. If I could transport everyone. So you really are living the dream. You really are.

R -

Yeah. Thanks for that.

J -

Well, so, Rachel, as I said, I feel so honored to be able to interview you. I...your book, Loving the Little Years, really made a profound impact on my life. And I've probably read it about 12 times. Every year, when my kids were little, I would be like, yep, it's time to break out Loving the Little Years again. We have all, a lot of jokes, you know, that we repeat in our family, and I even quoted the...I mean, it's hilarious. It's so funny. It's such a perfect blend of like, literally hilarious, and also convicting. But I quoted, in my last book, you coined the term for the Fisher-Price... the sin wagon. And I can still see the look in my oldest's eyes when he was like, looking behind him to see if anyone was in the...ours was a pickup truck. And like, racing away. You could just see... So, that was such a wonderful description. I mean, there's so many in there. If anyone reads...listening, has not read it, like, stop immediately and go buy that book. I'm sure everyone probably has. But, it's just brilliant, and I'd love to just hear backstory of, like...because you've got seven kids, and I know some of them are close in age. You have a couple twins in there. Or one set of twins.

R -

One set... but only one set.

J -

Okay. So, obviously, it was crazy in your house. What in the world made you think, I need to write a book right now?

R -

I think I did...I actually did not think I needed to write a book right now. I wrote a blog post which was popular. It is a chapter in the book, that blog post, the one about spirit of writers. About how we try to teach kids to control their emotions. And then that chapter got, or that blog post, sorry, got a lot of positive feedback and a lot of, you know, and the publisher approached me and asked if I would write a book about this. So, my husband and I, that was not an ambition of mine, and it was not a...I didn't really feel it. I was not feeling writing a book. But, the reality is that I was living that...at that time, it's kinda hard to describe, I mean, it's funny. I feel like it's almost like when you're like, before the internet, or you know, it's like, like a long time ago. But, at that time, there seemed to be two kinds of mothering, people talking about mothering. The one side was this typically Christian, very idyllic kind of like...

J -

Oh, grandma?

R -

Well, I...it was more like I, you get the impression that they're picturing, you know, one of those very romantic paintings of the woman by a rose...

J -

Oh, right. Yeah.

R -

...in a white lace gown, holding the...you know, like, motherhood is so blessed and beautiful and Holy, and it's an eternal soul, and you know, it was very... sort of. Yeah, but also...yeah, exactly. Not dealing at all with what the reality of life would be like for mothers. And then on the other side you would have this kind of tell-all, horror story of bad attitudes. You're like, this is only about dirty diapers and snot and that's it, and you know. But, it seemed that, in the Christian world, what was really lacking was, like, someone who understood. This is at least what I saw lacking. Understanding the realities of motherhood and believing that that is still something that coexists with Christian joy. Like, you can know how hard it is, and still rejoice in it. And that it, that there didn't have to be this, either you have a realistic, horrible attitude about mothering, or you have a pretendy-ville kind of idyllic attitude about it.

J -

Yeah. I think you're describing your book really well, because it does describe...I mean, I think it says, on the back, or in the beginning, I can so recognize this... you can tell I'm a stalker reader here, you're like, okay... so, I can still recognize the sound of like, hundreds of toothpicks falling. And then something like that... like I'm still, I still, I'm deep in it with you. Like, it's hard. And, like, also, towards, I think, especially, towards the end of this book, you get this beautiful reminder of that. This is a calling. It's a God-given calling. It's good. You find your life when you lose your life. And so you weren't just feeling understood when you read it. You're feeling inspired to keep on doing and that's what I just love so much. And I, honestly, I'm just so grateful that you...God really blessed you with the ability to articulate the funny, specific scenes of motherhood. So, it grabs the reader. But to also be an encourager.

R -

I am very thankful for how God has used it. I did not anticipate that, and when I wrote it, when I agreed to write it, I had a short deadline. And so, I wrote it very quickly and I was super, super not into it. Did not love it. And was like, but I comforted myself. First, I was like, cause I had two weeks to write it, so, first...

J -

Which is insane. Let me just say, like, as an author, that's absolutely insane. And I hope they paid you 7.6 million dollars.

R -

I think it is insane, but I also think that it's probably an ending that works for me, so, you know, whatever. It is crazy, but it was the only way I would've done it, I think, at that time. It was like I had too much going on.

J -

Yeah. To drag it out.

R -

I had two weeks...yeah, two weeks felt like, you know, we can live an unusual lifestyle for two weeks. Like, but I can't do this for a long time. So, anyways, I wrote it really quickly and then I comforted myself. I can't even remember what was going on at the time, but I comforted myself that I would have a lot of time to edit it. You know, I was like, at last...like, I slapped it out there and it's terrible, but at least I'll give it a break and then I'll come back to edit it. And the day, well the day that I got that...I think they must have been trying to get it out in time for Christmas, or something. They had some kind of a deadline. So, there was some reason that it was moving fast. And I got the ??? back and it was like, I had that afternoon...

J -

No.

R -

Yes, that afternoon, and until lunchtime the next day to edit it. And...

J -

Do you realize that's ridiculous? That's insane.

R -

Yes, I do! I totally realized it's ridiculous, and I had my five children at home still. So, it wasn't like, it wasn't like they're gonna go on a silent retreat somewhere. I was like, trying to slap out PBJ's while frantically trying to edit... it still felt like, oh, my word, it's not okay. Like, you can't put this out there. And then, I went through my next phase of dealing with it, which is, I was like, it's okay. No one will read it. Like, at least it's terrible, but nobody will read it. And then I...and this is why I really, I love this story because this was a very significant...it was a significant thing in my life. I think I mentioned this to you before we were recording, that my, I loved poetry and I love wordcraft. But this was not that. You know, this was not me indulging my...it was not me indulging what I loved.

J -

It's very well written, but I understand what you're saying.

R -

Oh yeah, but it reads like what it is. It reads like breathless distance from the bathroom while the kids are young. I mean, like, even now, when I read it, I...wait, well I don't read it. But it took me a long time to even open it up. But if I open it up, I, it's like a total throwback to a moment. Like, I can feel the...

J -

That's when someone was tugging on my leg. And...

R -

Yeah, it was just like, oh my word, yes. It was a wild time. But, it, anyways, what I was gonna say is, it was not a book I was proud of at all. Like, just, not at all. And it was wonderful because when it was like, my husband and I talked about it. We're like, well why did I agree to write it? I agreed to write it because, you know, maybe it will help someone? And it was like so...if it helps someone be more joyful, and I look like a fool, then that's an absolutely great exchange. Like, if one person is helped, and I'm in there, you know, like, it was, what was good for me before it ever came out. Before, you know, when I just, when I knew... yeah, and that phase, though, the thing that was so wonderful about it, is I absolutely know that it was fruitful because I wasn't proud of it.

J -

Yeah.

R -

And because it wasn't something I was like, oh, I've done a really good job on this and it was just like, oh my word. And so, prayerfully flung out there, with like, Lord, please just use it. You know I, I know you can use something that is so chaotic. Please do it.

J -

Well, He...

R -

And it had been such a mercy in that way.

J -

Yes. What a cool story. I mean, if you would have told me you spent two years editing in Starbucks, I would be like, well that makes sense. You know? Knowing that.

R -

Oh, my gracious. No. And if I open it up, I still, it's like, my first instinct is to be like, what is this about? Like, I'm just, wanna, I want...

J -

That's so funny.

R -

But I don't. I don't look at it. I let it go.

J -

Yes. Well, that's funny. So, that was actually one of my questions. Not that you're reading it, you know, devotionally every day, but you're farther down the road. That was how many years ago? How old is that book?

R -

Oh, man. It's gotta be getting close...It's my ??? now ten. So.

J -

Wow!

R -

It must be nine and a half years or something.

J -

So, here's what I'd like to know. I mean, certainly, there is truth is there, and, you know, I'm not saying God-inspired, cause that's...we'll give that to the Holy Scriptures. But I think the Lord was with you.

R -

We will, we'll leave that off.

J -

Yeah. We'll leave that off. But God was with you, and really, I mean, He's used it in my life. As I said before I even knew this crazy story. So, there's truth in it, but looking back now, and you're ten years in and you've got kids that are presumably, you know, almost ready to leave the house, stage, right? Like...

R -

Hopefully not yet, but getting much...we definitely have almost pretty much four teenagers. So yes. Things are different.

J -

Yes. So, older kids. What do you...what else would you tell a young mom? That's what I'll say. What else would you tell a young mom who's in, just knee-deep in feeling overwhelmed and discouragement? That maybe isn't in that book.

R -

Yeah, I, it would be hard for me to remember everything that was said in that book. I think that that one is more, so, Love In the Little Years, is more about relief, the little years. And Sent To Burst is just a little bit older. The one thing that I think, I would not say my position has changed on this, but my emphasis has changed on this in that time, is for a long time, so you can imagine, writing a book like that, my audience, right off the bat, were needy moms, right? So, the audience is immediately the women who are absolutely exhausted, emotional, like, drug out tired. You know, it's a group of people that, and I think, very prone to guilt, right? So you'll have a group of women who are like, I feel like I'm screwing up, and I need someone to encourage me. And with that audience, right off the beginning, sometimes people would, I think I was always afraid to add any guilt. Like, you're always, you're very cautious to not wanna be a person throwing in things that moms ought to be doing. You know, like, you just wanna be very careful with that. And I was very cautious of that, since that time, I have changed substantially in the one area that I feel fine. I would not say adding guilt.

But I am much stronger on telling women with really little kids, that they absolutely have to be in the Word. Like, you cannot just coast on the crumbs of encouraging remarks from other Christian people. You cannot just read blog posts and, or, my book. You know, like, you can't just, I compare that to eating the crumbs under the table. You know, there are people sitting at the table, eating the Word of God, and being nourished by that. And in Christians circles. And in, like, Christian homeschooling circles, or Christian, you know, you find people find their Bible teachers that they like. Or little groups that they like. And then you can effectively live under the table only eating the trickle-down of their Biblical application. You know? That they say something like, oh, I read this and this convicted and, or they say something, and then there's these people so. I have spoken occasionally to rooms full of women, when I said this is a needy, this is what I'm talking about, where they are far too desperate to hear what I have to say. You know, where I think you actually, and so this is where I am now far stronger on telling women that you, yourself, there's a place at the table with your name on it. You have access to God's Word. And that there is no situation that a Christian can find themselves in, right now, where you cannot be spiritually nourished and growing and thriving. And that doesn't require somebody to interceded between you and the Scripture, because that's the whole, you know, you don't need a blogger. You don't need a woman who understands your daily life. Like, what you need is Jesus, and His Word, as He's revealed Himself to us. So, I am far stronger now on being like, not like, forget the guilt, part of it. Let's just figure out practically how to get you into the Word.

J -

Yes.

R -

We don't need you to feel guilty. We need to actually overcome this now. Like, how are we gonna do this?

J -

Well, that's, so that was kinda my next question. I think that's really a wise insight because you're not trying to make life harder for them. You're recognizing that, with the Lord and His Word, His Truth, and in hope and encouragement, that's where you're gonna get it. You need it so badly right now, so, how can we get it to you? So, what would you say to someone who is in the stages where you were, writing that book? With so many little kids. Practically and they're...

R -

About being in the Word, you mean?

J -

Yes. What would be a practical step that you would say, you know, that you could implement in your day?

R -

So, without, I'm not trying to turn this into a Bible reading discussion, but the, one of the things that I'm really heavily involved in, that there's only strength in my willingness to say this kind of thing to people, is a ministry of our church, the Bible Reading Challenge. So, we very specifically, the goal of the Bible Reading Challenge is to help people build habits of being in the Word. So it's not about, like, us teaching you the Bible. And it's not about us sort of helping you to one time have read the Bible. Our goal is to help women get it, like overcome the things that are keeping them from it and actually evaluate that, and then hopefully, help by accountability, camaraderie, encouragement, to get women to just prioritize being in the Word. So, we actually have a reading plan that we do and we're very, like, be scrappy, get it done, listen on audio. You know, like, listen. Like there's no...and one of the things that we do so that daily reading, we treat like it is a meal at the table. And you don't come to someone's house for dinner, and say, I'm sorry, I can't eat this. I skipped breakfast. You know, like, you...the sort of whole point is, if you get behind, just jump in today with us. So like, if you're missing days, it doesn't matter.

J -

So, you would say, don't back up. Cause I, that's when I actually stopped doing my read through the Bible for a year that I did for ten years, back when I was like, so Holy and didn't have any kids. And then I kind of...

R -

When the time was wrong.

J -

Right. Yes. Because I got so discouraged that I was... so I would be like, oh, it's, you know, right now we're recording this and it's March. Like, I think it would say like, November of the last year, and I'm like, I'm so horrible. I'm in November. But you're saying, just pick up whatever day it is.

R -

Right. So, we have absent, we have whatever, but the goal is whatever is on the table today is what you eat. Right, like, so you come, and that has a really interesting dynamic because some people are so bothered by skipping chapters, that the idea, and actually, I'll say that I am not a real box checker, but I disliked skipping ahead. But because I disliked skipping ahead, I do not, I don't get behind. Because I'm like, I don't want to do that. Like, I'm gonna do this bread bowl. Really our goal in it is to, it's like, you know, if you are becoming a woman of the Word, you will be back soon to this section. Like, so did you miss, like, it's sort of like, if you were reading a book that you know really well, and you, you know, on your 16th time through it, missed a section, it's not like it's ruining anything for you. You know?

J -

Yes.

R -

And, so, our goal is to help people really become anchored in the Word in such a way. It's not to perfectly do it one time. the goal is that, maybe next year, you'll miss less days, you know. Next year, you'll be reading more days, more regularly. And there are so many women...I think we have twenty thousand women in the Facebook group, all over the world, doing this, and there are so many women in it that we have heard from, who, for the first time ever, have read the Bible. You know, they've been a Christian for 25 years, never read the Bible. And, then, you know, women who never...and not because they didn't want to, it was because they didn't know how to prioritize it. They didn't know how to get it into their life. But, my favorite thing is the women who realized all this time down the road, that their desire for the Word is so different. You know, they're hungry for it, and they're thirsty for it, and they're desperate for it. Instead of, no.

J -

Well, that's awesome. And Rachel, send me that link so that I can link to that, the Facebook group or however you're doing the challenge. I'll put it in the show notes so that readers can hop in.

R -

Great. I'll just say, I'm not sure when this show is airing, but we do the whole Bible in the academic year, and then the summer is the New Testament again. So, starting June 1, is the New Testament Challenge. And it's a great time to get your kids involved...

J -

That's a great idea.

R -

With some of these little lighter reading, or neighbors, or friends, or new believers, you know, it's a great time to invite people to do it with you.

J -

I was just thinking that for my son, who's ten, that I'd like to do a challenge with him. So, I'm glad that you said that. We'll put that in there, and that's probably a good lead-in, as you're talking about shifting and, you know, you've written three books. Do you have one that you feel like is your favorite right now?

R -

I would say YooHoo is my favorite right now.

J -

I wondered if you might say that. And I would like for you to tell us what made you write that book. Because it does seem distinctly different from the first two.

R -

Oh, yeah, it is. It is.

J -

What happened in your heart, or in watching culture that said this is a message I need to get out.

R -

I would say a couple things, like, partly, might be...okay, in college, I wrote, just for people who aren't familiar with YooHoo, it is a book, the subtitle is, Why You Matter and How to Deal with It. It is a book on Christian identity. So, it is more about who you are, what that means, you know. That's the concept of YooHoo. But, it ties in at times with what we were just talking about. When I wrote for Christian mothers, that kind of suddenly threw me into that world, right? Where people who are asking you to speak, it's like, it's always discouraged, Christian mothers. What was the group of people that I would be addressing at any time? Or, and it wasn't that I traveled to speak, I just mean that's what was asked of me. You know, like, can you encourage Christian moms, you know, whatever. So, the messages that I got from women, as well as the groups that I ever did speak to, this was the over, this was the dominant flavor, right? Of the group. So, in college, I actually wrote my senior thesis about the philosophy of the self. And, that is just the problem of the self, it's essentially, what are you, in your essence, you know, who are you, and what is that? Essentially, how does that work itself out in your life? What you believe about who you are? So, because I had written on the problem of the self, I compare it to that...you know, when you, like, didn't know something existed, and then you... see it everywhere? It was sort of like that. Now, specifically, in Christian mothering circles, I will get questions from women, you know, like, what am I going to do about, you know, be like a problem with a toddler. But I'd be looking at it and thinking, this is not about your toddler. You don't know who you are. Like, you don't know what, how a Christian responds to a trial, or how, and especially, with motherhood, when women are so, I would say, tempted, but the everything transpires in some way to make them feel so undone. You know? That the woman that you thought you were, you aren't, you know?

J -

True story.

R -

Yeah, your body is not the same, like, and maybe you like a lot of other foolish young girls thought that your eighteen-year-old body was the essential you. You know, like, this is who I am, you know? I am a high energy, like, or, you know how people identify themselves with things like, I'm an outdoorsy, high energy, athletic, you know, and they just, you just have an idea who you are, and then say, God gives you a child with special needs. And you think you knew who you were, and you think that this situation that God put you in is actually murdering you. You know? Like, if my essential self is a care-free young girl that's really fit, and not having any problems when God gives me a heavy burden to bear, women do not know how to process that. Because they think if something actually changes you, then it's wronging me in some way. You know, like, that this is my essence and I've been put upon, somehow. And then, we also tend to think that if God loved me, He wouldn't do this to me.

J -

We do. Even though, on paper, I would think, like, I wouldn't think that. That's not Biblical. But reality, that is often the thought that comes to mind.

R -

Yeah, and I think, I meant specifically that if you think you know what you are in your essence, and so, the reason that I wrote the book is because I wanted to draw out how we have absorbed from our culture a very unbiblical, unchristian idea of the self. And when you have that idea when you think that the true you is like self-created, you know, it's self-curated, I decided to be these things. So this is who I am. And if you think that that's actually the essential you, then any time that your situation conflicts with who you think you are, it is very confusing, right? Because our faith calls us to one thing and our idea of who we are calls us to a completely different thing.

J -

Well, let's just do this, Rachel. I'll let myself be the example here on the crucible. And I'll tell kind of one of the scenarios, the thinking that I get myself into, because this is a podcast for homeschool moms and so, this may resonate with them, and you tell me, after I kinda describe one of my typical mind struggles, you can point out all my flaws and kind of explain when the thinking gets faulty. So I, you know, I've chosen to homeschool, but there are moments that I'm like, I signed up for a torturous life. Why did I do this to myself? And there's a neighbor across the street who sends her kids to school, and I am totally aware that this doesn't make rational sense, but I have projected onto her what an easy life looks like. And I'm sure that's not her reality at all. She has those different struggles. But I'll see her, so for example, I'll be inside, like, trying to brown the meat to put it into the crockpot and then someone needs to do their sight words, and then another person is on the computer and it's not working and I need to check the password. And the other person's mad about their math and so they're actually hammering into the table with their pen, like, making lines on the table. And so, I feel blood pressure start to rise, and there's like this sense of injustice of, I deserve better than this. Like, this is not fair. So, I might go out on the front porch and kinda a breath of fresh air and I'll see my neighbor. And she'll have her, like, Starbucks cup, because she just was like swinging by. And she's in her, like, Lulu lemon workout gear that looks, like, amazing, because she goes to Yoga every day at nine o'clock. And what I'm doing at nine o'clock is, you know, trying to get people to look to sing like, Come Thou Fount, but they don't feel like doing it. And, so I get....but I...so what happens in my heart is I'm really angry. I feel like I have been...like, there's like, a core me, kinda situation. Like, you know, I feel almost like, better than her, which, you know, I realize is just crazy and ridiculous. But I feel, also, that I've been victimized and it's just not fair. And I'll start to even feel like, annoyed at my husband, poor guy. He's just innocently, you know, selling landscape bids, like we've all agreed upon, and...but you know, so there's the struggle. Where...what's the faulty thinking? Cause I know it is there. What would you say to that, hypothetical mom that, you know, may or may not look like me?

R -

Right. Okay, so, it's probably, I mean, in most things like this, it's probably an overlap of a whole lot of different things.

J -

Whole bunch of messed up thinking.

R -

There's a lot of stuff happening in there. But, one of the things that I would think is probably at the heart of it, is a misunderstanding, sort of of what the Christian life feels like. But, that the feelings of faithfulness are not the same thing...like what it feels like to be really faithful in a moment that's very aggravating with a bunch of children. It doesn't feel like you're a person in an incredible calm place, right? If feels very different. But if the point of your life is to glorify God, then no obstacles or difficulties, or any kind of bizarre moment in time, nothing can keep you from accomplishing that. But if you think of the purpose of your life, is to feel put together, or to feel like the best version of yourself that you finally crafted, you know? Then any moment where you're actually being so put upon, you know, where you're like miserable and sweaty and feeling awkward about things. Any moment like that is actually like, you're being...you can't do what you are made to do. If you think what you are made to do is feel excellent...

J -

Well, I see then, what you're saying about how much of it really does revolve around the view of the self. Because if I view myself as, this is my purpose, to be happy, that's gonna impact how I deal with suffering.

R -

Or, specifically, they'd say right now, with everybody being like, you have to choose. You have to do what's right for you, no matter...

J -

You do you.

R -

Yeah, but like, if anybody thinks that you oughta do something that you don't wanna do, they're attacks... you should get rid of them. When that kind of thing creeps into the mindset, that's something, when we think that we know what's best for us. Because we think we're self-created. Whereas the Christian view is that what's best for us is what God gave us, right? What comes to me today is the absolute best thing that God could have given me to glorify Him and for His glory and my good. Right?

J -

Well, that's...so let me just ask you directly if you have a mom who's listening today and is just at her wit's end. Life is not working. And she's...

R -

We've all been there.

J -

...sad, right? She feels fat and lonely and unhappy and mad at, you know, her husband, whatever. Like, what do you say specifically to that mom?

R -

I would say, you need to give it to God. And what I mean by that is, thank the Lord for the trial that you're in. Like, for the specific things that are being hard for you, thank Him, you know? Like, thank Him for it. And then, right beyond that, ask the Lord to glorify His Name in your behavior. I say glorify Yourself in my life right now. And, the amazing thing about that, and I'll use a different example, but, if you pray those prayers, they are the prayers that no one prays because God always answers them. Right? If your life, I'm struggling with patience, so you say, Lord please give me an opportunity to practice patience that honors you. Who wants to pray that? He will answer you. He will give you the opportunity...you know, like, He answers. Because He loves those prayers. And those prayers that are, like, Lord, glorify Yourself in my life is a way aligning our heart to God's purposes, right? So, if you pray an example that I use sometimes if you pray something big and vague, right? Like help my kids to turn out, you know, and not...I don't know, just help them to be happy people when they grow up. You know, you're like...that's a big, vague prayer request that you have no direct interaction with the Father over...do you know what I mean? It's not like it's sinful to pray, please, do this. But if you pray something like, Lord, please show me a way that I can bless my children right now. You already have an answer, probably, springing to your mind at that moment, right? You already know that this is, that this is a thing. And I honestly think that this is a having the courage of your faith to trust God that what He will call you to is actually for your good. And is actually for His glory. And not being so squeamish about those harder spiritual realities. Like, that you don't feel great about this whole situation right now, but if you say, Lord, equip me to glorify you in this, you already know...like, you already know. Thank the Lord. Go back in and make it right with your kids. You know, like, don't, like, you know the steps to glorifying God in this situation because they're actually really clear. And they're not big, vague, I wish I was a different kind of person sort of things.

J -

Well, that's another book idea for you. The next time you have like, a free two week period, you can write it up. Prayers that you can always pray that God will answer something. That's a real cover title. What I just said, you should write that down.

R -

I have a...we joked about doing one that is prayers of hospitality. Because there's so much of that, you know, in hospitality. Which is what you're practicing with your own children at home. You're practicing laying your life down for your very closest neighbors.

J -

And what you're touching on too, I think, is super relevant for right now. I mean, I don't know what this summer and this 2020 has been like in Idaho. You know, kinda...

R -

Yeah, bizarre.

J -

Okay. Cause right here, like, I'm in North Carolina, and we're not out on a farm. We're very much entrenched in like, the kids have baseball and there's this camp, and we go out to eat and...so this has been a real-world rocker, and I think it's brought a lot of people see, you know, stripped away some creature comforts. And so, you suddenly realize, even though you didn't think you cared that much about the freedom to go out and leave your kids with a babysitter, evidently, you do. So, this would be a good message and probably a good book to pick up during this time, cause I feel like this summer may be kind of a continued lesson of things not going exactly the way we had thought that they would.

R -

Yeah. Lovely. I'm sure it will be.

J -

Yeah. But, I'm...we're actually running out of time. It happened so quickly. And this has just been awesome. Besides your three books, Rachel, where can people get more, you know? Where can they find you online?

R -

I am active on Instagram, and Facebook, although...well, yeah, Facebook, mostly, I think, is just close to my Instagram posts.

J -

So, one or the other and you're good?

R -

But, I mean, sometimes I comment on Facebook, but you know. But I am active on Instagram. My sister and I podcast at...our podcast is called What Have You. It's a very random, unedited podcast about our life, things that we're thinking about, or working on. And, also, the Bible Reading Challenge. Which I'll send you the information for that so you can put it...

J -

That sounds great.

R -

And I'd love to just invite anyone who is listening to this, most...if you love the Lord, you know you should be reading His Word, and you probably are already experiencing random guilt and things about the times that you are not, or that you don't love it. And our goal in the Bible Reading Challenge is just to come alongside of people in that situation and really equip them and encourage them to be in the Word and to love the Word and to come to know God more in an ever-increasing way through that.

J -

Well, that's awesome. Well, I would like to end by doing my final five, be as they're just a real quick, like, just questions. Random questions. That I didn't tell you ahead of time. So, I'm a little uneasy to ask you the first one, cause I just have a hunch you might have an opinion about this. But if you could just say...yeah...you seem very benign, but, you know. So, number one is, have you heard of the enneagram, and if so, do you have a number?

R -

I have heard of the enneagram. And I only know that people say I'm an eight because I'm a challenger because I hate the enneagram.

J -

Okay. There ya go.

R -

And I will say I have read part of a book on it, and I am not...I am a non-fan of the whole topic.

J -

I figured.

R -

For a lot of reasons. But, genuinely, I think it's funny that I only hear people say, you're an eight, because you're a challenger, cause you can never get outside of the system to have people listen to your complaints.

J -

Well, there ya go. Okay. So, number two, extrovert or introvert?

R -

You know this is funny. I really...my husband and I joke that everyone's an introvert after you've had kids. But, when they...when you answer those questions, would I like to stay home and read? Yes, I would! Quiet evenings? Sounds awesome! I would say I'm probably an extrovert, but I also dislike those sorts of categories, so.

J -

We won't take that answer...okay. There ya go. Alright, so, number three, do you have a show that you and your husband watch when the kids are in bed?

R -

No. We have at different times, you know, but not...no. Not currently.

J -

Okay.

R -

Yeah. Sorry.

J -

Alright. Number four, if someone were to walk in the door right now and say, Rachel, I've brought your favorite meal, what would they be holding?

R -

You ask hard questions!

J -

Oh! Sorry!

R -

My favorite meal, I have no idea what my favorite meal is.

J -

Well, then let's just say, a really good one. If they walked in and they were like, I brought you something I know you'll love.

R -

Well, I love curries. I actually just love food. So, really, I could go for almost anything.

J -

That you didn't make.

R -

Yeah, I mean, food is good. Good food is really good.

J -

I'm with you. Okay, so number five, what's a book, besides the Bible, you think everyone should read?

R -

Probably one of my favorite work...well, I have to say there's a lot of 'em. Lewis, and there's a lot of stuff to read. But one of my favorite novels is Peace Like a River, by Leif Enger.

J -

I do like that. Okay. Well, thank you again, Rachel. This has been super fun. Thanks for joining us today.

R -

Yeah, thanks for having me.




Wendy -

Thank you for joining us this week on the Homeschool Solutions Show. As always, you can find show notes and links to all the resources mentioned at Homeschooling.mom. I hope you'll take a moment to subscribe to the podcast, and, if it was especially meaningful to you, share it with your friends via email or social media. This is just another way we can all encourage and love and support one another.

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