CM 21- Homeschooling in a Crisis w/ Shay Kemp

CM 21- Homeschooling in a Crisis w/ Shay Kemp

Show Notes:

Episode 21: Homeschooling in a Crisis

Description: In this podcast, Julie talks with fellow CM homeschooler Shay Kemp about homeschooling in times of crisis, not only with the coronavirus issues our world is facing now, but also in personal times of crisis such as moving, having a new baby, etc. Using the Charlotte Mason motto, “Education is an atmosphere, a discipline and a life,” they discuss how each of these areas can be addressed in order to bring peace into the home in a time of upheaval, touching on issues such as routines, intentionality, cultivating habits, exploring the personal interests of your children, mother culture, and how living books can encourage us all during this time!

Meet Julie:

Picture-

Bio- Julie H Ross believes that every child needs a feast of living ideas to grow intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. As a former school teacher, Curriculum Coordinator, and Assistant Director of a Homeschool Academy, Julie Ross has worked with hundreds of students and parents over the past 20 years. She has also been homeschooling her own five children for over a decade. Julie Ross developed the Charlotte Mason curriculum, A Gentle Feast, to provide parents with the tools and resources needed to provide a rich and abundant educational feast full of books, beauty, and Biblical truth. Julie lives in South Carolina. When she’s not busy homeschooling, reading children’s books, hiking, or writing curriculum, you can find her taking a nap.

Meet Shay:

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Bio-

Shay is a homeschooling mom of 5 who loves enjoying the learning journey with her children and encouraging others in their paths of faith, parenting and homeschooling. She believes that the best conversations happen when you are comfortable on the front porch and blogs from there about at passersbywelcome.com.

Resources:

School Education by Charlotte Mason

Morning Time Plans for Times of Crisis by Julie H. Ross

For the Children's Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay

Mere Motherhood by Cindy Rollins

Mother Culture by Karen Andreola

The Curiosity Project at PassersbyWelcome blog by Shay Kemp

Quote:

Bible Verse: Phil 4: 6-7

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Show Transcript:

CM EP 23 Shay Kemp Interview

Julie -

Welcome to the Charlotte Mason Show. A podcast dedicated to discussing Ms. Mason's philosophy, principles, and methods. It is our hope that each episode will leave you inspired and offer practical wisdom on how to provide this rich, living education in your modern homeschool.

So, pull up a chair, we're glad you're here.

Today's episode of the Charlotte Mason Show is brought to you by Medi-Share. Find out more about this affordable Christian alternative to traditional health insurance at medishare.com.





Hello everyone, welcome back to the Charlotte Mason Show. I'm your host, Julie Ross. And today we are doing another Charlotte Mason 101 episode. I'm here with my friend Shay, again. Hey, Shay.



Shay -

Hello, Julie and everyone



Julie -

We've been going through... Charlotte Mason says we have three tools in our toolbox for educating our children. And that is that education is an atmosphere, a discipline, and a life. So we've already done the education is an atmosphere one. So if you haven't listened to that one, I recommend going back and listening to that at some point. Because that really is the foundation for these other tools that we have.



I also did an interview with Leah Martin at My Little Robins. And she talked about habit training with young children. And so if you have little ones, that might be another resource that you wanna check out as well. So, today Charlotte... Charlotte. Shay and I are going to jump into what Charlotte Mason had to say about the fact that education is a discipline. So, Shay, do you wanna read what she said in Principle 7?



Shay -

Sure. It says, "By education is the discipline, we mean the discipline of habits. Form is definitely and thoughtfully, whether habits of mind or body. Physiologists tell us of the adaptation of brain structures to habitual lines of thought, i.e., to our habits."



Julie -

Alright, so, I think when people hear that word, discipline, their mind automatically goes to like, go stand in the corner, right? I think we're all a little bit traumatized. So, that is... yeah... So, I think it's important to start out with that, just to recognize the fact that that was not what Charlotte was referring to when she refers to discipline. So, real quick, what would the difference here be between what Charlotte's saying about discipline, versus punishment.



Shay -

Well, the word discipline has kind of a negative connotation, but what we're talking about is discipline as in a system that you set up for yourself for your children, based on... I mean, on a method. Not a system. So in other words when we talk about discipline, we're talking about looking at the way that we approach something. And how can we make that a positive thing instead of like discipline... okay, well you did a bad thing. Now here is the consequence of that thing. So these are actions we're gonna take that are gonna make it a discipline.



Julie -

Pro-active, not reactive.



Shay -

Yes, exactly. Like, how can we be proactive and think ahead of time how we're gonna set this up for our children, recognize what they're dealing with?



Julie -

Yeah, and in the Volume 2, Parents and Children, Charlotte Mason wrote on page 172, "The fact is, not that punishment is unnecessary, or that it is useless. But that it is inadequate and barely touches our aim, which is not visitation for the offense, but the correction of that fault of character of which the offense is the outcome. Jimmy tells lies and we punish him. And so by doing we mark our sense of the offense, but probably, no punishment could be invented drastic enough to cure Jimmy of telling lies in the future. And this is the thing to be aimed at. No, we must look deeper. We must find out what we place in character, what false habit of thinking leads Jimmy to tell lies? We must deal with this false habit in the only possible way. By forming the contrary habit of true thinking which will make Jimmy grow up a true man." And then she goes on a little bit later to say, "Not mere spurts of occasional punishment, but the incessant watchfulness in endeavor which go to the forming and preserving of the habits of the good life is what we mean by discipline. And from this point of view, never were there such disciplinarians as the parents who labor on the lines we would indicate."



Shay -

Oh, so much information in that one little quote. And I love where she says, you know, this is the thing to be aimed at, is that we wanna prevent him from telling lies in the future and this is where we really back away from the idea of it's just punishment. Because punishment deals with just a behavior, an action, and dealing with that one action. And we're talking about something far greater than that. We're talking about the goals, the aims, beyond that action to, how do we get them to do that on their own?



Julie -
Yeah, right. And I like what she says about dealing with the character flaw, right? That's really what habit training is about, is about training in these good habits. And so, yeah, in her definition she said that we need to train in habits definitely and thoughtfully. Well, first of all, do you kind of have a definition of what we're talking about here when we say habits?



Shay -

Well, a habit is a settled, regular tendency or practice. It's like the dictionary definition of that. So, if we're talking about it being settle and regular, that means that we're gonna have to think about it ahead of time. Cause nobody falls into a habit accidentally.



Julie -

Well, we fall into bad habits accidentally. Right?



Shay -

So, yes, we have to make that distinction. I've fallen into a great bad habit of having some chocolate every single day, like three o'clock. But in order to have a good habit that's settled and regular, there has to be that intentionality. And like she just talked about in the quote, is, so we have to consider what are the false habits, like you just said, that we might fall into. The false habit of thinking. And then we're thinking about the opposite of that, and that's where the discipline comes in, where we can lay down these tracks.



Julie -

Right. Yeah, I mean it's more, I think, of discipline, I think of it, as like, the effort involved.



Shay -

Right.



Julie -

Everything. Like, developing bad habits is super easy. You could do absolutely nothing with your children. You could do absolutely nothing with yourself. And you will develop a lot of bad habits. Because that's the way of our simple nature, right? To purposefully and thoughtfully develop good character, it takes an extreme amount of mental, even physical sometimes, effort on our part and our children's part.



Shay -

Right. And isn't that why we shy away from this conversation? Because it's a lot easier to, isn't it?



Julie -

I know! We were talking before we started recording and I'm like, oh my goodness, I'm so convicted.



Shay -

We shouldn't talk about this on this podcast.



Julie -

Every time we talk about habits, I'm like, oh, I've got so much to work on!



Shay -

Me too, me too. But, that's why it's a beautiful thing, this whole philosophy of education. Because we're not talking about pointing at our children. She brings us into it, that we're fellow learners with our kids. We're coming alongside them. And part of the beauty of it is just like the Bible tells us, is that we're pointing them to something beyond some standard that we can set for ourselves. I mean, I'm definitely not looking at my kids and say, oh, look at mom and all these great habits I have. And do as I do. I'm saying, these are the goals. This is what we're working towards and we're coming along together, which is what her whole philosophy is.



Julie -

Right. Yeah. ??? children to have all these good habits from day one. And we have to be humble enough to acknowledge the fact that we are still at our ages, continually having to discipline our own self in order to have good habits. It's a lifelong process and we're never just gonna arrive and I think, you know when I can kinda get all down on myself and be like, oh my goodness, I'm not doing all these things. And I wanna be... well, this habit and this habit, and this habit, and this habit, to focus on, no, like, this is a lifelong process that I'm growing. Am I growing in good habits? From where I was last year at this time.



Shay -

Exactly. And I think, too, I've been getting a lot of questions about people starting with Charlotte Mason Methods of philosophy and later on, without having little kids, and so, that can be intimidating, I think. Because they're thinking, gosh, I didn't lay down these rails at a young age, or whatever. But, I think that's part of it, is that you're saying to them, I'm not saying to you, okay, we're gonna back all the way up and start, you know, just when you're five years old. If you're starting and your child's fourteen, they're in the eighth grade, how can you consider what habits they're dealing with that you can come alongside them with? We're not saying, okay, you gotta get all this figured out right now. So, you can't... don't have to be as intimidated by kinda looking at this philosophy. Maybe if you've been homeschooling for you know, years.



Julie -

Yeah. We were talking about the ‘laying down the rails’ idea, and she uses this a lot, talking about how habits actually do form these patterns and structures in our brains. So, in Volume 6, on page 101, she said, "We have lost sight of the fact that habit is to life what rails are to transport cars. It follows that lines of habit must be laid down for its given ends and after careful survey or the joltings and delays of life become insupportable. More, habit is inevitable, if we fail to ease life by laying down habits of right thinking and right acting. Habits of wrong thinking and wrong acting, fix themselves of their own accord". And then a little bit later she says "No habit is like fire. A bad master, but an indispensable servant."



So, we want it to be where we're laying down a foundation of right thinking and right acting, so that it... these good habits will be a servant for our children, that end... that does make our task of educating that much easier. But it also is, again, the philosophy of focusing on that we're developing and growing people, not just pouring in a bunch of information.



Shay -

Right. And if you stop and really consider it, as part of education, and not so, I don't have time for that cause we just have to do math. Or on top of that, we just have to get English. Then I think you're gonna get better results in those things that you might be frustrated with, right? So, if you're working on some of these habits, and maybe struggling with them, with the fortitude to really stick out algebra or whatever. Then, you back up and talk about some of these habits, work on these with your kids. And I have older kids, so this is really personal to me. But I really think about these and not just with my younger ones. Then I'm gonna have better results in that algebra because we've been working on these habits. And that's the real-life implementation of this philosophy, like, day to day life in your schedule with your kids.



Julie -

Right. And she says there, we have habits of mind and body, so let's talk about those first. So, what do you think of when you think of habits of the mind, Shay?

Shay -

Well, obviously, we talk about one of those is attention. And I think that if that's covered a lot of people talk about the habit of attention. There are tons of resources out there about the habit of attention. But another one is the habit of mental effort. So, if... what are we talking about when we're putting down mental effort, not just sitting there, you know, with our... that scrunched face, like, oh, I can't do this math problem. But really applied ourselves to whatever task is at hand without giving up.



Julie -

Right. And I think that goes back to the whole idea of that this is hard. That's why it's called discipline, right? And so, this training in mental effort, I think really has a tie into training our bodies for physical effort, right? You don't go to the gym and lift up the fifty-pound dumbbell the first day. Well, most of us don't. You know, we have to start with the ten pounds and as we get stronger, then we can take on more. I think of like, you wanna clear a path through the woods, you know. The first couple days are gonna be tremendously hard as you clear away branches. But as the path starts to develop, well then you can walk down that path easier and easier and easier as time goes on. And so that mental effort of dealing with, you know, thoughts being our own educators. Having to wrestle with ideas, all the things that Charlotte Mason talks about in her philosophy are hard. It's much easier to be a passive learner and sit there and have somebody tell you what should be important.



Shay -

Oh, yes, I mean this is how I made A's all through school. And then I would forget it right after the test. I was a master at studying for a test, figuring out what the teacher wanted. This is why, before I started homeschooling my children, you'd ask me what years were world war two, I'd have been, I don't really know. Because I learned it for a test. But to grapple with the ideas that happened during world war two and what people's lives were actually like, and why it happened and to really struggle with those things, and fight with those things, requires so much more discipline like you're saying. It requires that effort. And yet, the outcome on the other side is something I own, rather than something I just lost after I got an A.



Julie -

Yeah. And I think as parents, we can get discouraged when home educating this way can be hard. Or maybe our child doesn't come bouncing down the stairs for morning time. Like, yes! What wonderful things can I learn today, mom? And instead, they're going, I don't wanna school. We must be failing, right? No. That means we're doing what we're supposed to be doing, right? This mental effort is challenging, right? And...



Shay -

Have you been in my house? And seen this?



Julie -

Or a child's reading something and they're like, I don't like this book. I can't tell you how many... and so many parents would be like, so my child doesn't like this book, do you have any recommendations for another one? And I was like, girl, let me tell ya. If I switched a book out every time my child would tell me they did not like a book, I'd have a pile of books like up to the ceiling.



Shay -

You'd never finish it. I mean, you would never finish a book or rarely finish one.



Julie -

Now, have we liked every book we've ever read? No, of course not, right? There's just some books we're like, oh, okay that was not that great. Okay, we're moving on, right? No, we're not gonna read this book for the rest of your life. We might be done with it... next week. We can do this for one week. Right? Or, what often happens is I might not like a book and I might think oh my children are probably not really liking this either, cause I don't like it. And then we finish it and they're like, that was awesome! I'm like, really?



Shay -

Right. Yes, and my husband has this saying, he says, you can eat the watermelon and spit out the seeds. So, you can tell that's a Southern saying, right? But we apply to so many things because you just have to eat the watermelon first, though. You know you don't just ...



Julie -

Shay, you could just buy a seedless watermelon, right?



Shay -

Those don't... right those don't apply to effort, right?



Julie -

No effort there!



Shay -

Right. So, yeah, I do think it's super important and I wanna make that point especially like I said, to my heart is the older children in Charlotte Mason, when my son started we were in the ninth grade. We were full CM. We had been using some methods, but a full CM philosophy, education, using A Gentle Feast. And when we started with the Paul Dotson history in the tenth grade, he was really, really overwhelmed by that. So, instead of just saying, okay, too hard, we're not gonna do it. I would have him read a paragraph and I'd read a paragraph. I broke the readings down into much smaller pieces and we just kept marching through it. We just kept marching through it. And it did require a lot of mental effort, and I'm not gonna say that he loved the mental effort. But, his understanding of the history, now that he's taking college classes, is, I mean, just far beyond anything else that would have been, okay, read this text, and answer these five questions and now, you know, move on, you got an A, good job.



Julie -

Yeah, right. And, yeah, I think we have to go into that with the expectation that this is hard. And we need to give our kids grace in that too. Just like when we're learning new habits, you know, how hard it can be for us, right? So, we need to give them the grace and say, you know, I'm gonna work with this with you. I love the idea of reading, you know, paragraph by paragraph. Or, you know, maybe I can help break this down for you. Or, you know, give them some pointers for their narrations, of okay, here's some of the important people that are coming up in this chapter that you're gonna read, or, you know. Kind of walking them through that, but still helping them build those mental muscles is really key. And I also think in terms of mental effort, the habit of narration, like... or the practice, not habit, the practice of narration, right. That builds that mental effort, so I love how Charlotte Mason says, okay, here's the habit. Here's a really important habit. But here's how, in her philosophy, in just doing the normal teaching, you don't have to add extra lessons on, on mental effort. By reading, you know, reading books that are living, written by an author who's passionate about their subject, requires mental effort. Cause you're doing the work of your own self-education, right? The information's not just being presented to you. And then the art of knowing, I mean the act of knowing, narrating, telling back what they've heard, that's an extreme amount of mental effort



Shay -

Right. And that's why they push back on it in the beginning. I mean, that's why the push back comes. Because it's the same thing as me doing, you know, five pushups in the beginning, and doing, you know, I don't wanna push to get to ten, because why would i? You know? That's ... and I have a really good quote for that too. And it is in Volume 1, and this is on page 21. And she talks about sort of that mental exercise. She says, "Most of us have met with the few eccentric and a good many silly persons concerning whom the question forces itself, were these people born with less brain power than others? Probably not. But if they were allowed to grow up without the daily habit of appropriate moral and mental work, if they were allowed to dawdle throughout youth without regular and sustained efforts of thought or will, the result would be the same. And the brain which should have been invigorated by daily exercise has become flabby and feeble as a healthy arm would be after being carried for years in a sling." And that's what I think we have to remember when we're talking to our children. We have to say, to yourself, it's not that you can't do it, it's that you can't do it yet.



Julie -

Oh, I love that ???



Shay -

Yes. And maybe you can't read the Paul Dotson by yourself. Or maybe, you know, my form one, maybe you can't read this entire chapter book and narrate a chapter at a time by yourself. Yet. But we are gonna get there through the process. Which is really what discipline is. It's that process of building the habit, so.



Julie -

Yes. Yes. And I think, you know, people look at some of the books that Charlotte Mason included and go like, how do kids read that, understand it, you know? The Shakespeare and the Plutarch, and things that are difficult for most adults to read and understand, right? It's because they built that mental effort habit through the years that they're able to actually understand these works. And you know, I think of also, like, we, you just mentioned the habit of attention, but in her ways of teaching, the habit of attention is built through that. So, it's not like, okay, today we're gonna have lessons on how to pay attention. Or, every day I should remind my children 20 times to pay attention. No. We're gonna have short lessons, we're gonna use living books that are engaging to them, and their habit of attention will naturally be built through those.



Shay -

Right, so I love that. She gives us the "how" in the methods, the "why" in the philosophy, and you tie all those things together and it makes for a real living education. Rather than just a system. And I do wanna say this too, when it comes to the mental effort, I think, I've had a lot of people ask about the Charlotte Mason Method, and they want it condensed into, like, bite-sized...



Julie -

Right.



Shay -

You know, I mean like, sound bites of ... and I think it's so worth, and I do have mom's give me push back about this, but you know, put the mental effort into try reading the Volumes yourselves. It's free online. And there's nothing that Julie or I or any other blog or any other nothing. No other resource can educate you as well as reading the Volumes yourself. Putting your own mental effort out there, and what a awesome example to your children to come alongside them and my kids have watched me read through these volumes twice. And I constantly keep one out just reading a little bit, making notes as I go through, and if I don't do that, then I can lose sight of the goal. I can lose sight of the reason, the "why." And it's a great opportunity for parents to say, okay, I do need to maybe give myself some... my kids some grace because... I had to read this paragraph, you know, a couple of times to say, okay, I really understand what she's saying here. I can narrate it back to myself even.



Julie -

Yeah, that's good. That's a good point, that moms, you know, if these are habits for you as well. And that by working on your own habits, it does give you that grace to help your kids with theirs. That's so key. And it is so important for your kids to see that you are learning and growing. And I definitely feel like, you know, from starting, once I started reading through her volumes for my own, my ability to appreciate and absorb harder level material has also grown. I'll just be honest. I didn't ever like Shakespeare in high school. I hated Shakespeare. Right? And then, after reading her volumes, and a couple years ago I decided to start it in our family, and we love it now. I mean, we're reading through Taming the Shrew, just giggling and crying with each other. And it's like, this is wonderful, but, I don't think I would have appreciated it without the kind of mental effort that comes through, you know, reading her books. And reading harder books.



Shay -

Right. It's the same way as you see somebody who, like, is in great fit shape and you think, wow, I wish I could get there, but if you talk to that person, they've been, I don't know, running or lifting weights, or doing whatever they've been doing, for years.



Julie -

Ever. Right.



Shay -

And so, we're looking at the outcome rather than looking at the process and so we're just saying we really need to consider the process. And that's how you get to this outcome down the line eventually.



Julie -

Yeah.




Today's episode is brought to you by A Gentle Feast. A Gentle Feast is a complete curriculum for grades one through twelve that is family centered, inspired by Ms. Mason's programs and philosophy, and rooted in books, beauty, and Biblical truth. You can find out smooth and easy days are closer than you think at a gentlefeast.com



And then she talks about habits of body, but I'm thinking those are pretty self-explanatory. So we won't go into a ton of detail. And, not in the principle, but in her Volumes, she also adds on habits of decency and moral habits. So decency being what would you would think of as manners, cleanliness, being orderly. And then the moral habits of obedience, self-control, being truthful. And...



Shay -

We don't wanna talk about that last one...



Julie -

I have to work on all of them in myself and my children. Which one to start with? I don't know. It's a little overwhelming.



Shay -

Well, it's like we were saying, is there's no... nobody is saying, okay, let us hold up this shiny example to the world of a family that has all these habits, you know, taking into practice and even to my children, I mean, I had a breakdown yesterday. You know, and I'm like, oh, probably not the best way to handle the stress. At the same time, it's an opportunity. They gave me so much grace. And in my struggle, you know, because that's what we all need when it comes to all this. We need to keep applying the effort but also give each other a lot of grace when we are still in the process. Which we will be till we die, so.



Julie -

But, you know, I do think, like you mentioned a good point, you know, now, more than ever, being isolated at home, you really do see... I see the fruit of some of the good habits that we have laid down. And some of the routines, I'm very thankful for those. Because they are carrying us through what could be a very big disruption, is not because our routine is very similar, honestly. But, being around each 24/7, some of those not so great habits become just a little tad bit bigger.



Shay -

Yes, they do. In... It's like a magnifier. You know, when you're together a lot. And I really been convicted about throwing a mirror up in front of my face before I say something to my children about the habit, you know? I mean... you know.



Julie -

Get the plank out of your own eye, kinda thing?



Shay -

Exactly. Yeah. I don't where we ??? would have included that, but it's Scripture, cause none of us are that way.



Julie -
No. Never.



Shay -

But, yeah, it is, it's a great opportunity to kinda point them in the right direction. Cause it's really easy for me to say, well why can't you just... you know, fill in the blank. And then I'll look at myself, and I'm like, hmm. And once again, I think, because of the age of the kids I have, you know, we wanna expect teenagers to have their act together. Why can't you handle this, why can't you...



Julie -

That's so funny, Shay!



Shay -

And I'm like, I'm 45 and I can't keep my act together. What am I doing? What am I trying to say here?



Julie -

Yeah, and our brains are actually fully formed. And...



Shay -

Right! They don't have any physiological... you know, we don't have physiological excuses like that, right? So. Yeah, so, I think it's so important to really... and I love the fact that the philosophy of education, that my entire homeschool is built around, addresses that. That's so important to me that I'm not opening just a box of books, or you know, workbooks that just... okay, let's just get this done. But, it really does feel like it incorporates our whole family, our whole life. That... so it's not just, let's just get school done. But when we're talking about these habits, and we're talking about` disciple and we're, you know, addressing these things as we have to, it really does have to do with our whole philosophy of education. It's so much more powerful when there's not a separation of those two things.



Julie -

Yeah. Did you have a quote about the...



Shay -

I do. About moral habits? I do. This is from Volume 1, it's on page 166 and she says, "We all know people possess of integrity and of many excellent virtues, who make themselves intolerable to their belongings. The root of the evil is not that these people were born sullen or ??? or envious. That might have been mended. But that they were permitted to grow up in these dispositions. Here, if anywhere, the power of habit is invaluable, it rests with the parents to correct the original twist. All the more so if it is from them the child gets it." Uh oh. "And to send their child into the world blessed with an even, happy temper, inclined to make the best of things, to look on the bright, to impute the best and kindest motives to other, and to make no extravagant claims on his own account." And then, later on, she says, down this page, it says, "Remembering that every envious murmuring discontented thought leaves a track in the very substance of the child's brain. For such thoughts to run in again and again. That this track, this rut, so to speak, is ever-widening and deepening with the traffic in ugly thoughts. The mother's care is to hinder at the outset the formation of any such track." And that is powerful words for especially even this time. ... to say, we tend towards complaint, so how can I lean into gratitude. Or we tend towards laziness. So how can I lean into mental effort? You know, that sort of thing.



Julie -

Yeah, and it... yeah, tie into the quote we were really about, the content of like, laying down these rails. And it's amazing that she was saying all of this stuff at the beginning of the 1900s, right? And that now because of MRIs and CT scans, or whatnot, we are actually able to see that our habits actually do create physical structures in our brains, like she had speculated back then. Which I think is just so amazing. And yes, and it's encouraging, right? For people like me, who are older, that my brain isn't set, right? And that I can... it can still be changed. And it is... we have that plastic component to our brains. But it is also kind of humbling that, like you said, these thoughts are actually forming in their brains. It's not something to be just taken lightly, yeah.



Shay -

Right. And that's why I think it's so important to... we've mentioned intentionality a couple of times, but, the stopping and setting yourself... just taking a step back sometimes. And how important it is to really consider... we talked about this when we did the one out, Education is an Atmosphere. That podcast, but, to really gauge, like, look at your children and see what's going on, maybe, in these habits that I see. Is there a rut being formed? Like she says, that's ever-widening and deepening with the traffic in ugly thoughts. So when you recognize that, you're not gonna do a lesson on, okay, I see you... ugly to your brother, so let's do a lesson. Or, I'm not talking about that. But just the addressing of, hey, what are some ways that we could include some positivity in our house today? Or let's read this living book that gives that as an example. Of somebody being positive and, that takes some intentionality and some time stepping back from maybe the daily routine.



Julie -

Yeah. And the book, A Charlotte Mason Companion, by Karen Andreola, and the chapter called The Happiness of Habit. Which I just love that title. It says, "To remedy friction, here's a recipe for the formation of a habit. Let a mother discipline herself..." okay...



Shay -

Skip it!



Julie -

Never mind, I'm not gonna read this! That's okay. "To establish a particular habit in her children that would be to her favor and theirs. With devotion, she focuses on forming one habit at a time, doing no more than watch over those already formed. She strives to be faithfully consistent. Tact, watchfulness, and perseverance are needed, especially during the first week or so. But when the habit is formed there is not much fear of it being broken. Patience does its perfect work too. For it may take several months for even one small habit to stick. This is when many a mother makes it her supplication to ask for more patience as she may sense it running out." I don't know what she's talking about there.



Shay -

I don't either. Can’t' imagine.



Julie -

"She prays she will not fall into the temptation to be discouraged, inconsistent, or complacent. The dangerous time to run out of determination is just before the habit is formed." So, there's several things here. One is focusing on one habit at a time. And this can be really hard, cause I've read through this list. I'm like, oh my gosh, we have twenty things that we need to work on, and we need to work on it tomorrow, make a chart, and we're gonna talk about them. And...



Shay -

Get out some stickers and every time you use it...



Julie -

Friday, we are gonna all be awesome. Right?



Shay -

Right. That's what type A's do. We make a to-do list and we start adding things to it that we can already check off as soon as we make it.



Julie -

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the whole faithfully consistent part. That's the part I struggle with.



Shay -

Yes. And I think that's such a... I mean, with anything that's worth doing, faithful consistency is what's gonna get you to where that... you see the fruit. You know, the faithful consistency just like, getting up every day, starting out with Bible time. Every day, reading something beautiful. Every day, you know, taking time to listen to your children read. Every day. Because those years do go by really, really, really fast. And when you're faithfully consistent, you can look back and say, okay, well maybe we didn't get it all in that time period, you know, in sixth grade, but by the time he graduated, look. Look what... look how much he got.



Julie -

Yes. It's the long-term approach, right? It's not gonna hap... like what... have a new kid by Friday, right? Like, we have to realize that this is a long-term thing and have that patience like she was saying, and some things certainly need to be praying about. Cause this is a long-term process. Just like we have to be patient with ourselves when we're developing habits ourselves. And I think this is where that whole concept of routine comes in. When we're developing a new habit. Because, you know, it requires a tremendous amount of will to will yourself to do something you don't want to do, right? Just think about getting up and going to the gym, or something like you have to will that. And if you do that every day, it becomes easier. And you don't have to exert that amount of effort every time to change that will. You want those kind of things to become a natural rhythm and part of your life. And the same thing goes with these habits that we're talking about in terms of education as well.



Shay -

Right. And you're causing a rut. There was this one track we used to walk on and it was like, concrete. You know you could walk on. But there was one corner where everybody always walked around the corner through the grass. Instead of... so you know what was right there was a rut around that one corner. And it's not because somebody walked through it one time. It's because somebody walked through that, cut the corner, how many times. So there was a rut there.



Julie -
Oh, that's a great example.



Shay -

And so, the people that came after it were... are they gonna walk on the concrete? No, they're gonna walk through that rut. So that's what happens with us. We have to keep doing it, keep doing it, keep doing it, keep doing it. And I love the point she makes about complacency and I think that is where me, personally, it's easy to fall into if it feels overwhelming. Then you just say, okay forget it, we're just not gonna do it. Right? And just complacent. I just, okay, nevermind.



Julie -

It's too hard.



Shay -

This is too hard, I'm just gonna give in to complacency, never mind. But that will, that mental effort, to say, okay, we are gonna do it even if, instead of, you know, reading a chapter, today, maybe we're gonna read three pages today. You know, because of whatever's going on, you know? But keeping on, keeping on.



Julie -

Cindy Ross talked about that in her, I think it was in Mere Motherhood that, you know, like, morning time or like, is like these little grains of sand. You know? But we're faithfully consistent in doing these things. Even if it's just for a few minutes every day, over time of a child's life, they have a huge transformational power to them. And in Volume 6, on page 103, she says, "Consider how laborious life would be, were its wheels not greased by habits of cleanliness, neatness, order, courtesy. How are we to make the effort of decision about every detail of dressing and eating, coming and going, life would not be worth living."



Shay -

Right. Yes. I mean, it does, it's like when you start something new and the mental effort that it requires to do it, I'm thinking of me personally like that, that sort of skill.



Julie -

I mean, handicrafts. It all ties in, right?



Shay -

Yes!



Julie -

We're just learning a new habit.



Shay -

Right. And so when you first learn to knit, your hands cramp and you're like a rat... go under, you know, whatever the... each step you're thinking through. And now I can knit and watch a tv show and not even look at my hands. So if I still had to think about it that much, I wouldn't do it anymore.



Julie -

Yeah, I mean it's the whole like, decision fatigue concept.



Shay -

Yes. And trusting that process that it is going to happen. When we first started with full CM, you know, I’m like, I don't know. So I told my kids, we're gonna do a time. And if I completely screw you up... in a term. Then we just won't... we'll go back to what we were, which was like...



Julie -

It's only 12 weeks. It's all good.



Shay -

And you're probably sure, like, you completely ruined your life. But by then completely consistent, really consistent, in those 12 weeks, the gains that we had were so powerful in so many ways that I realized that we can never go back to this kind of pick and choose...

Julie -

Yeah, right.

Shay -

Yeah, we can never go back to that.

Julie -

Also, in this Charlotte Mason community, that happiness chapter, she has a point in here for new homeschoolers, which I think is really important, especially in light of a lot of people home educating now that haven't before. It says, "As a first or second-year homeschooler, it is normal to feel somewhat awkward."

Shay -

Oh yes.

Julie -

Yeah.

Shay -

Absolutely.

Julie -

For sure. "Because mother and child are in need of acquiring new habits. A mother's sweet present of love, dedication, enthusiasm, and desire to educate her own children may be wrapped in a brown paper of apprehension, insecurity and dismay. A homeschooling mother's opinion on education in her daily responsibilities will most likely be very different than those of her neighbors. But educational life that is her heartfelt desire to live with her children will most likely be different than the routine life she experienced growing up." So, you know, it is this lifestyle and I think, you know, with the fact that we do have a lot more time since none of us have anywhere to go right now. Because of the, you know, mandatory quarantines, it is a really good time to work on some of these habits.

Shay -

Right. And a really good time, because you're with your children more, to see what they need to work on. Sometimes when we're all coming in and out the door, okay, we're going to basketball, now we're gonna eat out real quick.

Julie -

Yes, you don't see those character flaws as much.

Shay - You don't see them. Until they blow up. You see them when they blow up and they're like, oh, I really should work on that. So when you're with them in a more compressed sort of situation, it gives you the opportunity to sort of look at that and say, okay I see where we need to adjust. And I mean, this is our 16th year. And still, we have times where it's awkward. You know? I mean that's...

Julie -

Last week, I think.

Shay -

Yeah. Like I just, I think, when people look at, you know, a home veteran homeschoolers, it's like, oh, well, they have it all together. They know what they've been doing and they're just... and it's so far from true.

Julie -

Yes. Right, like you were saying, you see the super sit, like, marathon person, and you're like, oh, well, you know, oh, I can't... I'd be like that person. Well, duh, they've been, you know, training 20 hours a day for years to get to that physical shape.

Shay -

Exactly. Exactly. And still, it's super awkward, I mean this is the era of social media. And you know, I'm not gonna put a picture of my daughter laying on the floor having a meltdown because she doesn't wanna learn her time's tables. Probably not.

Julie -

I've thought of it. But yeah...

Shay -

I am the one... my husband says we put our crazy one on the front porch and let everybody come by and look at it, but. So, I probably would do that, but, you know, those moments are still happening. They're awkward and they're uncomfortable, and they mean I have to double down and say, okay, how do we address this, approach this, or whatever. It's gonna keep going and keep going, just like you're talking the marathon runner is not gonna wake up every single morning and say, ah, it's pouring rain. I think I'm really looking forward to going out there and running ten miles, you know? But they're gonna do it, so.

Julie -

Right. Yeah. And it becomes easier to do it the more you, you know, work consistently. That faithful consistency, I just love that phrase. It's so key.

Shay -

Yes. I do too. I need to have that put up in my house somewhere.

Julie -

I think I need to tattoo that on my forehead actually.

Shay -

Yes. Yes...

Julie -

Well, thank you so much for talking through this with me today, Shay, that was... it's a hard concept to talk about because it's hard to live that way. And it is hard to hold that mirror up. It's so much easier to pick up the bad habits in other people than it is to address them in ourselves. But like Charlotte Mason said, we need to hold that mirror up to ourselves first. And work on our habits before we start working on our children, so. Thank you.

Shay -

Thanks. It was a lot of fun.



Julie -

Thank you for joining us today on the Charlotte Mason show. I’m your host, Julie Ross, and I would love to meet you in 2020. I will be at all seven Great Homeschool Conventions, speaking as part of their Charlotte Mason track. Go to greathomeschoolconventions.com to find one near you. If you want more information on what was shared in today’s podcast, go to homeschooling.mom for the show notes. Also, don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast in iTunes or Google Play so you never miss an episode. Until next time.

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