HS #220 — Katie M. Reid -- Parenting from a Place of Rest
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Let’s talk about experiencing rest as a Homeschool Mama! We want to exchange our striving for settledness, our sense of panic to a sweet sense of peace. But how do we parent our children from a place of rest? We’re talking about it all today with Katie M. Reid.
Katie M. Reid encourages others to find grace in the unraveling of life. As a Bible teacher, she uplifts audiences through: transparent confessions, memorable object lessons, and timeless truth. Her book, Made Like Martha: Good News for the Woman Who Gets Things Done released in July 2018. Katie and her husband, Adam, co-host the “Stop! Hammock Time” marriage show, and she and Lee Nienhuis co-host The Martha + Mary Show podcast. Katie supplies encouragement for busy women at: katiemreid.com and we are so glad to have her as our guest today.
Made Like Martha: Good News for the Woman Who Gets Things Done by Katie M. Reid
More For Mom by Kristin Funston
Triggers: Exchanging Parents’ Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses by Wendy Speake and Amber Lia
- Our soul can be at rest even when our hands are busy. (Katie M. Reid)
- I was surviving from a place of striving rather than settledness.” (Katie M. Reid)
- It changes the atmosphere when we remember that God is with us. (Katie M. Reid)
- He wants to move us from a place from operating in panic, to a place of peace. (Katie M. Reid)
- Asking for help isn’t weak, it’s wise. (Katie M. Reid)
The story of Mary and Martha — Luke 10:38-42
CONNECT WITH KATIE:
HS EP Katie Reid Interview
Welcome to the Homeschool Solutions podcast, brought to you by Sonlight Curriculum, and homeschooling.mom. I'm your host, Wendy Speake. Here on the show every week, you'll get to listen in on some great conversations with wonderful guests, all designed to equip us as homeschooling moms. And then once a month, we'll be opening up the Bible together, applying God's Word to our long, blessed, but often challenging days. It is my hope that as we gather together in this space, we will encourage one another with some practical, Biblical solutions. I'm so glad you're here. Before we start the show, I'd like to thank our sponsor, Sonlight Curriculum. Complete homeschool curriculum you're guaranteed to love. And now, enjoy the show.
Hello everyone and welcome back to another conversation here on the Homeschool Solutions podcast. If you've joined me before, then you know that my desire is to pinpoint some of our struggles so that we can look for practical solutions together. But the overarching theme that we come back to time and again is that Christ, His Spirit, and His Word holds the ultimate answer to every problem we face, in our hearts and in our homes and during our homeschooling days.
I have a feeling, before even welcoming today's guest, that she is going to offer both practical help and Biblical insight that we need for today's challenges. I met Katie M. Reid, goodness, maybe five years ago, when we were both just starting to blog in the midst of our busy mothering and homeschooling lives. Katie may have been one of the first blogger friends that I made all those years ago, but if she wasn't one of the first, she was definitely the first hard-working woman who seemed to be able to do all things really well all the time. And she baffled me, I have to be honest because I'm not able to do more than a couple things at a time on a good day. But Katie, she was singing at church, blogging, homeschooling, adopting, fulfilling that special role of Pastor's wife, speaking at churches, and the list goes on.
A few years later, she released her first book, Made Like Martha, Good News for the Woman Who Gets Things Done. What a title, and I think you understand why I'm inviting her here today. Because regardless of whether we're good at getting things done and lots of things done each day, we can just handle a few. Katie has cultivated a heart of devotion that we associate more to Mary, Martha's sister, even though she was made to get a lot done. And don't we have to get a lot done every day? She's gonna speak into cultivating that heart of devotion sitting at His feet, even when we're running around all day long on our feet.
So help me welcome Katie Reid. Thank you for being here, Katie.
Wendy, thank you so much for having me. This is a treat to be with you and your listeners and, just thank you for what you're doing, because I know, as a homeschooling parent, it can be kind of an isolating road and it's so wonderful to come together and encourage one another.
That's the truth. And one of the things that I love most is just hearing each other's stories. I find that I get ideas, I'm blessed, I'm encouraged, I wanna keep at it when I hear other people keeping at it themselves. So, would you start today's conversation with just a bit of backstory? Tell us who you are, where you are, a little bit about your family, and maybe a little bit about your homeschooling journey?
Sure. So, I'm Katie, I'm married to Adam. He's a Pastor at our local church. And we're in the middle of Michigan, where it is very freezing cold today. So, we have five wonderful kids, loud and wonderful kids. Our oldest is 15, our youngest is three. And then we have... this feels like a test... but we have a 13-year-old, 11-year-old, and the six-year-old in the middle there. The girls are the oldest and youngest, rough and tumble boys in the middle. We did adopt our fourth child and we homeschool. And I was a public-school teacher and so this was not the plan I had for my life. I had gone to private for a couple of years, my husband was homeschooled through 8th grade, and then went to a private school.
And I remember one time being out to eat with some friends and they said, what are you guys gonna do for schooling with your kids? And I was getting ready to ?? I think we're gonna send them to public school through middle elementary. And Wendy my jaw dropped to the floor. Because Adam and I are usually on the same page about things, but I guess we haven't really talked about this.
And so, several years later, I felt like God and my husband were leading to homeschool our daughter, and I decided maybe I should get on board with that. And so, it's been an interesting journey. So, I've been homeschooling for a while now, but I used to tell people that we considered a successful homeschool year if we had cried less this year than the year before. And so, thankfully, we have cried less each time.
I hope that there are fewer tears now.
Yes, there are. But I call myself reluctant homeschool mom because I didn't picture myself doing this. But there've been joys and there've been hard things, but we're persevering on this journey. And just have such a heart for encouraging moms that are walking this road as well.
Wonderful. I'm so glad that you're here to encourage us today. I'd love to dive into to just this idea that we have different personalities, right? Some of us are "get-er-done" women. And some of us are kind of just more comfortable sitting and being together with our people, and we don't have such a drive to get a lot done. Every day. But in this homeschooling journey that we're on, we have to. There's a lot that has to get done, so whether you love getting things done, or you're overwhelmed by it, the reality is, we got stuff to get done every day.
So I was hoping that the fact that you are a Martha personality type, and you really are a bit of a driver, right? You got plans, you wake up with goals every day, and you go for it. And there's lots of things that you get done.
You've had to cultivate this life of doing it with God. You know? Not running ahead of Him. Not taking on too much that you miss out being with Him. Could you just speak into that? What is your journey been with the Lord? How have you learned to keep your time with Him something that goes on all day long? Not just in a morning devotional. But you bring Him into your days, all day long. Cause I think that we could all use a little bit of that lesson.
Well, work in progress, for sure. But I know, for me, you know, our relationship with the Lord is obviously more than just our quiet time with Him. But I think sometimes, you know, we've tackled this, Wendy, that when we do have a quiet time, in the morning preferably the day does seem to go better, cause we've focused our minds, we've recentered ourselves on what is true and right and noble. But sometimes, I need to... I'm running ragged, right? We'll have all these good things that we're doing. And so one simple thing is that my family will go through the Chronological Bible and it's supposed to be a year-long... the first time we did it, it took us seven years. But we just kept going, as we could, and so sometimes I'm having a quiet time along with my kids.
But I think we're speaking to this bigger idea that if we believe in Jesus by faith, He is at home in our hearts. And He goes with us, and we follow His lead. Sometimes it's a clumsy dance, right? But our souls can be at rest even when our hands are busy. And for so long, almost 40 years, you know, I knew I was saved by God's grace through faith, but I kept trying to make Him make Him happy through my works. And through my behavior, and so I was not very happy of a person. Because I always felt like I was not meeting the mark. Whatever the mark was, I just felt like, you know, I wanted to be the best wife, the best mom, the best friend, the best teacher. And obviously, I'm not perfect. And so I was constantly discouraged that I was not measuring up to the standard in the sky.
And so God helped me flip this by understanding more of who He really is and who I am in Him. And for so long I lived like I was this slave to a tyrannical master. And when He showed me that He is my Father, I am His daughter, and yes, I will make mistakes, but yet, we're family. It changed things. And He gave me this picture, in my mind, of me cleaning, kind of like, the Mary and Martha story in Luke 10:30 through 42. So here I am cleaning in my home, trying to get ready for an honored guest to come over. And I'm frantic. I'm kicking the Legos under the couch, I'm trying to dust, which I don't usually do. I'm kinda turning in to Ho-zilla, and all this, and I turn, and in my mind's eye, there's Jesus, in my living room, sitting on this recliner, reading the newspaper. He's like, Katie, come, sit. Relax with me. And immediately I'm thinking, well faith without works is dead. If I just relax, you know, who's gonna get all these things done? And I felt like He said to me, Katie, you've forgotten, I live here. I live in the home of your heart. And you've been busily trying to impress me as if I'm company when actually I'm family to enjoy, not company to impress.
And that nugget helps me just realize how I've been relating with the Lord on many levels. You know, in my marriage, with my parenting, with my homeschooling, kind of trying to impress and people please versus leaning into the sufficiency of a God who loved me. And yes, who had things for me to do, but I could be settled on the inside instead of striving. I could have this peace instead of panic knowing that He was doing the heavy lifting.
Wow, that's so good. And I love the vision of Him wanting to be more than just a guest. But be family. And to live in that space with you and we know that He lives in us. But right there with us. Up against us. Inside of us. Everywhere we go, all day long. And you're right, it is bigger than a morning devotional, isn't' it? There are so many Scriptures that we know, Isaiah 26 verse 3 is one of them. You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you because he trusts in you. That's not a, okay I spent time with you this morning. No, it's, He keeps... it's an ongoing... he keeps us in his peace because we keep our trust in Him like it is this ongoing relational. He's with us. Don't just think of me as this guest, but as a member of your family.
But sometimes, I forget to treat the members of my family like members of my family. And I think a lot of this has to do then, with priorities. Is... am I taking on so many things that I can't keep the main thing, the main thing in my days? So, Christ, His presence, the Person of Christ, right there with us. That's the main thing. My children, being available to them, that's a main thing. And so, you and I have spoken before, just as friend, Katie, about the idea of needing to know how to discern God's will. There are three words that you focus on in your book, Made Like Martha, and I'd love you to share these three words. Because I think it speaks into discernment, how we can not take on so many things that we have no time left for cultivating that Mary-like quality of sitting, not only at Christ's feet but sitting with our children too. And not always running.
So, could you, our token Martha, speak into those three words?
Absolutely. Well, there are three words that we're all familiar with. But they hold a lot of power. And the first one is yes. We want to say yes. We want say yes to God's assignment for us. You know, if God asks us to do something, we don't wanna hem and haw. We wanna obey wholeheartedly. But yet, we wanna so no, this is the second word, to guilt and manipulation. Sometimes we say yes to really good things, but we're sometimes adding things to our plate that maybe God never asked us to. Now, this is not an excuse to get out of taking the trash out, right? Or, doing laundry or whatever our tasks are that we don't love, right? Those could be God's assignments for us. Or we're just being gracious to a family member that didn't have time to do them or forgot. But, we wanna say no to guilt and manipulation and people-pleasing and just saying that we'll bake 2,500 cupcakes for a celebration because that seems like what a good mom would do.
And there's freedom when we say no to those things. And it frees up space for us then to say yes to the things that God has asked us to. And the third word, I think, is probably the hardest one. I know it is for me. And it's to say help. And in this day and age in our society that can be hard. Because we feel like, oh, I'm just overwhelmed and I'm at my wit's end, so I have to say help. But, delegating, asking for help, is not weak, it's actually wise. I know in our family, if one of us is having a really busy season, we operate as a team. And so if someone has a busy week, there might be people that do the dishes for them on their day because they're filling in those gaps. Or if I have a work deadline when I'm writing a book, I don't do a lot of the cooking or cleaning. In fact, I just came off writing one, and so now, it's like, oh, good, now I can focus on these other things.
But I think one thing about delegating is we have to remember our people might not do the task like we do. For example, my kids do not load the dishwasher like I would, and I've to fold my hands to have self-control and not redo what they have already done. Now I can provide instruction and that kind of thing, but if I'm trying to delegate and allow people to rise to the occasion, that means that I back off some so that they can learn a new skill.
So, these three words, yes, no, and help. And I just wanna encourage the listeners to ask God, is there something You want me to say yes to that either I've been avoiding, or I've been so busy I haven't even slowed down to ask You? Are there some things that you need to say no to? To take off your plate? And I think sometimes it's not just we take things off our plate to put something back on. I remember my husband said to me once, and very much wisdom, he said, just cause you take something off doesn't mean that you have to replace it if God is not asking you to. Sometimes we just need a little more breathing room.
And then the other is, what could you ask for help for? I think as women, a lot of times we live in isolation and, let's say you have a friend that loves to cook. You know, maybe she could make some extra meals and you could freeze them and then maybe you could help her organize her home or help clean some things. I think we can double our strength sometimes versus divide it with some creativity.
That's really good. And I love that you challenged our listeners today to talk to the Lord about it. I'm reminded of two verses specifically. The first... and I quote this one a lot here on the podcast. It's Ephesians 2 verse 10, which says, we're His masterpiece. He made us, but it doesn't just `?? He made us. He said He made us for specific good works that we are to walk in. And so often, I find that I'm saying yes to so many good works, I end up wondering, have I said yes to works that God didn't plan for me and I'm too busy now to say yes when they come?
And then Jeremiah 29:11, such a familiar verse, for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future. But those just those first few words. I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. What an encouragement that He does know. And Katie, you and I have spoken about the Word discernment. As friends, we have gotten on the phone together and both compressed that we want to grow as women who can discern God's will for our lives. What things we say yes to, what things we say no to. Whether it's how many sporting extra-curricular activities we can handle for the kids or music, or if it's what can I do beyond mothering?
You know that I wrote this book, Triggers, and we, Amber Leah and I, we look at 31 different things that can set us off and cause us to lose our cool with our kids. They are our triggers. And one of my biggest is multi-tasking. I have a miserably hard time being calm and kind and gracious and available when I have said yes to too many things. And too many things for me is less than too many things for some other people. I'm very, very easily overwhelmed. I know that. And so if I know that, and if the Lord knows it, then I have to believe that He has good plans for me, and He made those good plans. He planned them for me and me for them. I want to find those ones each day. I don't want everybody else's good plans.
And my kids know this about me too, so I love that you are inviting your kids to learn from you as you say yes to a few things, you say no to some things, and you ask for help. They don't only witness you asking for help, but you turn to them and say, hey, this is a busy season. So and so has, you know, his soccer practice every night, even though it's his job this month to be doing the dishes, in the evenings, I'm gonna need someone to give some help. And so, these are practical ways that we can grow in training our children as well.
Yeah, absolutely. You know, we just had a situation the other day where someone wanted my daughter to come and help them with some projects at their house, which she does about once a month. But I knew she was just getting off a really busy sports season, and needed to have like, a day’s break. And this person that, you know, wanted them to help, kind of looked at me a little sideways, but I think it's teaching our kids, helping our kids learn their own boundaries. And that, everyone is wired differently.
Here's the truth, Wendy. Even though I get a lot of things done, I have always been a person that actually doesn't have a lot of physical energy. I think I'm more mental energy than physical energy. And so, from 2 to 4 every day, our family has downtime. And I realize people's schedules are different. You know, our oldest daughter's in public school now, so she's obviously not taking a rest during that time. But it, I find that it gives time for me to reset, to get some work done. It gives the kids individual space. And then sometimes I'll let them play together quietly. But just give some room for creativity. And I know there's other people that would think, oh, is that easy, or, oh, that must be nice. But for us, like, that's a lifeline for our family to have that time to reset, to just recharge.
And so I think a lot of times we get stuck when we start comparing, you know, Wendy, like you were saying, you can't do as many things at once. And I know we've had that conversation and it helped me realize, like, I'm really not that great at multi-tasking. When I actually focus on one thing, and then get it done and move to the other thing. I'm less stressed out. I can actually get more done that way than trying to three things at once. But I think it's learning and asking God to help us, too, how have You wired me? How have You wired my kids? And to teach, you know, each one and to model that, because I think when we're trying to compare ourselves to, you know, this ideal family we see somewhere else, we can just kinda have this angst. Because it's like we're trying to put ourself in this cookie cutter that doesn't fit for our family.
Yeah, well, you know what I really love about what you just said there, is you gave some really good practical help. And so, as I said in the introduction, the show is called Homeschool Solutions. And I do want practical solutions to some of these, you know, these harder parts of homeschooling days. And just life, right? And so, for you, one of your solutions to help you slow down and refuel and rest and remain in that sitting condition, even literally, at Christ's feet, is by giving that two to four window of rest time. And you're getting your kids up to prioritize rest as well.
And then also, we keep turning back to the Word. And so I want to bring it back there before we end. Because we don't just want to be women who open up our morning devotional, right? We want to cultivate lives of devotion. Even when we're going, even when we're busy.
So I had already read Isaiah 26, verse 3, shared that with you about keeping... He keeps us in peace as we keep in step with Him. As we keep with Him. And it's not just in the morning. Psalm 5 verse 3 tells us, In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice. At daybreak, I lay my plea before you. Psalm 88 also talks about it being in the morning. However, Psalm 55 verse 17, I think, is just the encouragement that I need to realize that it's an ongoing throughout the day devotion that I want to cultivate. It says, evening, morning, and noon, I cry out in distress and He hears my voice. And that has been, that has made all the difference. Even on those days, when I'm on my feet. I'm in the kitchen. I'm running in and checking in on each kid at their workspace.
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I'm in a season right now that is busier than we've ever been and a lot of it has to do with kids getting older. I've got teenagers now and there's so many sporting events. And there are days my husband will come home and say, how was your day and I'll say, I don't feel like I was running. I was literally running between rooms today. And I'm worn out. But this idea of remaining, even on the fast-paced days, evening, morning and noon. Crying out in our distress, or at least talking to the Lord.
And thank you, you started this whole conversation just remembering that He's with us. It doesn't have to be a stopping what we're doing to literally sit down. It is enjoying Him, talking with Him, in the midst of the going. And then finding times when we can stop going. Would you say yes to that, Katie?
Yeah, and I think this can look a lot of different ways. But you know, if we're driving in our minivan and we're going to sports practice, maybe we see a really cool cloud configuration and we just say, wow, look at what God did. Or, you know, putting on worship music as, you know, people are melting down in the minivan, you know? It changes the atmosphere when we remember that God is with us. He's not out there, He's in here. And I just think staying connected with Him throughout the day, it's not just we shut our devotion book. He doesn't leave then. He is always with us.
And I think just talking about that with our kids. You know, just stopping to pray for lost keys and just thanking Him, you know, for our food. These rhythms that we have in our day. My friend, Kristen Funsten wrote a book called More For Mom, instead of more from mom, and I think about these spiritual disciplines, you know, like, a quiet time and prayer and you know, your book, Wendy, of fasting. And I use to view these as such drudgery. Like, oh I better do this cause this is what a good Christian would do. This is what a good homeschool mom would do.
But to view these things, they're actually His provision and His gift to us. You know, it's just like if I was gonna try to plant a garden and I just used my hands, I would be digging with my hands versus using the proper tools for what's needed. Like, I might be able to make some headway with my hands, but it wouldn't be as effective. And so, these things that God's given us, prayer, His Word, all of this, these are tools in our toolbox to use throughout the day. He hasn't left us empty-handed. It's like His manna for us and so many times, I don't take those things out of my tools belt. I try to do it on my own know-how.
Which reminds me of one of my favorite set of verses is Proverbs 3, and we usually do 5 through 6, but I love 5 through 8, actually, of you know, trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes. Fear the Lord and shun evil, because it will be health to your body and healing to your bones.
And I just think of that figuratively, like the body of our family, you know. When we're not leaning on our own wisdom, but we're leaning into the Lord for discernment of, what do you want this family unit to look like? What do you want our calendar to look like, God? And not leaning on our own understanding, He will show us that path bit by bit. And there's time's we're gonna get it wrong, and there is grace for that. But, I just think He wants to move us from this place of operating in panic to this place of peace.
And I believe in Luke 10:38 through 42. That's what He was doing with Martha. Is, I don't think He was scolding her. Yes, He was disciplining her. He disciplines those He loves. But I think He was inviting her to a different way, not telling her to stop being a doer, but showing her that... reminding her of who He was and who she was. She wasn't a slave. She was a daughter. She belonged. She was His friend. And when we operate with that enjoyment of Him, versus that slave mentality, it's so serene. And it's lighter when we let Him do the heavy lifting instead of trying to be all things to all people.
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. That's such good encouragement for me. I just find that this is a very restful conversation. How do we bring this rest into our striving days? And what you're saying is, let's not strive. That you've said many times, well, in your writing and even today, you were surviving from a place of striving, rather than settledness. And goodness doesn't He say... I'm reminded of a verse that seems so different, but it uses that word, settled, and I don't think of the word settled very often.
But it says, He settles the orphans and homes. And it's... I've always thought of that word, settled, in that context, as places. But He settles us all in homes. And I think that there's just something really beautiful for those of us who are homeschooling, that we want to have a slowness. He settled us in our home.
I even think of the term, settle down now, settle down. How loving a voice that is, right? That would say that.
Well, would you bless us by wrapping things up in prayer? I mean, just bless us with a good prayer here, would you, Katie?
I would love to, Wendy. Dear Lord, I just thank You so much for all those listening right now. And I just pray that they would know the things You want them to say yes to. That You will give them wisdom when it's time to say no. And that You would give them the courage to say help, and to delegate, God. Just thank You for each person here that's listening. Would You encourage them as they homeschool their children? It is not an easy task, Lord, and sometimes there are tears. And I just pray that we would lean on Your understanding. That we would be able to settle into who You are and who You've called us to be. And that You would give us just that deep breath in our soul of knowing that You have things under control. Help us to be faithful, the steward, the next moment well. And just to rely on Your wisdom and Your discernment. And we thank You that You have provided tools for us. You have provided gifts and provision to help us navigate our days and navigate our busy schedule. Thank You for Your peace that passes all understanding. Thank You that You help our souls to be at rest, even when our hands are busy. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Amen. Thank you, Katie.
Once again, Katie is the author of Made Like Martha, Good News for the Woman Who Gets Things Done. And my goodness, don't we need to get things done each day? I hope that you'll grab a copy of this book. You can connect with Katie on her website, katiemreed.com. She has a podcast. It's called The Martha and Mary Show. So, find that wherever you tune in to podcasts. On Facebook, she is Katie M. Reed, Writer. And on Instagram, Katie M. Reed, you'll find her there as well.
Thank you, Katie, for being with us. Thank you for blessing us with prayer, and so much Scripture. And so much practical application today.
Thanks so much, Wendy.
What a privilege it is to have these conversations with you each week. You are so busy and I don't take it lightly that you tune in with me here for a weekly shot of encouragement. As a reminder, you can subscribe to the Homeschool Solutions podcast through Apple or Google Play. And your positive reviews always help other homeschool families find us online.
Before we say goodbye, I'd like to thank Sonlight Curriculum one more time. Not only do they support homeschool families, they are also big supporters of the Homeschool Solutions podcast. Another supporter is the Great Homeschool Conventions. I don't know if you've ever been to one, but I heartily endorse that you find one near you. Every year they host multiple conventions in various regions throughout the US. Find a location at greathomeschoolconventions.com. With dozens of incredible speakers, hundreds of curriculum exhibits, you will leave blessed, refreshed, helped, and encouraged. I will be in Texas, South Carolina, Ohio, and of course, my home state, California this year. I hope to see some of you there. Until next week, visit homeschooling.mom for blog posts to encourage and support you along the way. Remember Galatians 6 verse 9, let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up. That's a promise that I take to the bank every day, and I hope you do too.
This is Wendy Speake, and I look forward to chatting with you again next week.
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